Colours
by ladyinprocessing
Summary: Everyone is born colour blind, their vision clouded by blue and grey. That is until they touch their soulmate, then their world would scream with colour.
1. Chapter 1

Tori Vega lived in a world hued blue and grey. She always had, as far back as she could remember. She was okay with it, happy with it even. She was still young, she had all the time in the world to meet her soulmate. Most didn't meet theirs until later in life, anyway. Her parents hadn't met until they were almost thirty. She had time.

She had grown up with stories of people meeting their soulmates, their hands brushing and their vision exploding with colour. She'd fantasised about it since she could understand the concept; how one day she'd bump into the man she was destined to spend her life with and everything would fall into place. She'd see the world in the way she was supposed to. The thought of it excited her, it always had. She liked the idea that there was someone in the world who was made for her, and only her.

She never dreamt the day she met her soulmates would be the first day at a new school. On her first day at Hollywood Arts, something felt off; like the stars were out of position or something terrible was going to happen to her. She'd expected to feel nervous butterflies, maybe a little bit nauseous, not utter existential dread.

She walked through the front door of the building, and the feeling intensified in her abdomen, pain blooming just below her sternum. She told herself it was just stress. This wasn't a regular high school. The place was filled to the brim with other kids bursting with talent. And she was just Tori. She knew she could sing, but she would bet money that so could every person she passed on the way to her sister's locker. They could probably act and dance and play an instrument and write songs and books and scripts. She couldn't do any of that. She was just Tori.

She entered her Improv classroom, her heart beating in her throat. A few people already sat on the chairs scattered around the small room but paid her no attention. New people must have come and gone here a lot. That was showbiz, right?

She took several deep breaths to calm her nerves and turned around to look at the clock. But, instead, she bumped into someone, perhaps the most attractive boy she'd ever laid eyes on, and spilled his coffee all over his pristinely white t-shirt.

"I am so sorry!" she said, using the sleeve of her own shirt to try to clean it, but it only made it worse. The boy pointed this out. He smiled at her warmly, though, and something more pleasant flipped in her stomach. They hadn't touched skin-to-skin yet, but she prayed she'd see in colour when they did.

The pair shared a laugh as girl, a few inches taller than Tori, barged through the door, and almost angry expression on her face.

"Dude! Why are you rubbing my boyfriend?" she demanded, her voice coming across like a bark. She glared between Tori and the boy, something mischievous in her eye. Tori stared at her for a few seconds, taken by her beauty. As much as Tori would have liked it, it did not seem they were going to get to know one another.

"Oh… I- I spilled coffee on-" she started, stumbling over her words. She barely knew the girl and she was already intimidated by her. She was cut off.

"Get away from him."

"Relax," the boy said, walking over to his girlfriend and planting a kiss on her cheek, a hand on each of her arms.

Before Tori could utter another word of apology, the homeless man she had gifted two dollars in the parking lot burst into the room, shouting something about a huge fire. The twelve or so students in the classroom scrambled for the various exits, panic ambling from their lips.

"Kidding! Kidding!" he yelled over the hysteria, stifling a laugh at the redheaded girl, Cat, whom Tori had met in the hallway's piercing scream. "Just wanted to get your blood pumping, which I did!?" He started the lesson and introduced Tori to the rest of the class, her face pink and waving awkwardly. She could only pray her other teachers weren't like this.

She sat down next to a boy with dreads, Andre, and the class continued. Sikowitz introduced her to the practice of improvisation and the girlfriend, Jade, was made team captain of the first group to participate.

"Cat, Eli, Beck," Jade said, pointing to each classmate as she called their name. That same look of devilment glinted in her eyes. "And… Tori."

Her. Tori. her heart leaped to her throat and then shot down to her stomach. She thought she might throw up. She'd learned of improv not even two minutes ago, and she had to perform a scene. She sat for another few seconds, hoping the other girl had made a mistake, or there was another Tori in their class. There wasn't. She was being thrust into this.

They were given the place of home and the situation of big news. Tori had no experience with this, so she obediently agreed to Jade's suggestion of her starting the scene in the hallway. The classroom door shut behind her and she almost bolted for it to get out of this. Maybe she wasn't cut out for this; she should just go back to Sherwood and continue with her biology experiment. She didn't have to perform for peers there.

She didn't hear the start of the scene, all sound muffled by the heavy fire door between her and the rest of her class, but knew to be offended when Jade introduced her as the new family dog. She woofed, then was reprimanded for standing upright and speaking. Real dogs don't say, "yup, I'm the new dog!"

She dropped to her knees, tears already rising in her eyes; both from embarrassment and the ever-growing pain in her abdomen. She feared her appendix was about to burst. She raised her hand to ask to go to the nurse, but Jade grabbed it and shoved it back to the ground.

Suddenly, the once monotone classroom burst into a technicolour she had never seen before. An audible gasp escaped her mouth when her eyes fell upon the girl who had caused it. Her blue-green eyes and her pale skin, her brown hair streaked with navy and purple and blonde. Her completely black outfit, save or the blood-red Doc Martens. But she didn't seem fazed. Tori's eyes moved from her to around the classroom, the crimson draped behind the chairs and the multicoloured chairs scattered around the room. The ache in her stomach lifted.

Just as fast as it happened, it was over. Her soulmate let go of her wrist and her hand slammed to the floor. Tori didn't listen to the rest of the scene, only woofing when she was sure there was a silence. She stared at the clock above the door, counting down the seconds until she could leave the class and cry in the bathrooms on the phone to her mother.

A shock of iced coffee cascading over her head pulled her out of her trance. She stood up and, without instruction, her legs carried her into the hallway to the entrance hall, where she collapsed on the stairs and openly cried. She hated this. Nothing about this was fair. Coffee dripped from her hair and smudged her makeup and she'd made a complete tit of herself in front of her class on the first day at a new school. There was no way she'd ever be able to show her face here again. She'd have to move to Maine to lose the talks.

This wasn't how she was supposed to meet her girlfriend, either. They were supposed to bump into one another in the street and he'd be tall and handsome. Her soulmate wasn't supposed to be a girl; a mean, horrible, beautiful girl. They were only fifteen, too. They were too young. This was all too much for Tori.

Jade's reaction, or lack thereof, hurt the most. The blank, almost uncaring expression burned holes in Tori's eyes, flickering as she blinked back tears. The other girl didn't care; was unbothered she'd just discovered her soulmate. This didn't matter to her, and it broke Tori's heart.

Andre appeared around the corner less than thirty seconds later and sat on the steps next to her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm calling my mom to come and get me," she said, her tone soft and cracking. She pulled her drenched hair from her eyes and sighed. "And to re-enrol me in my old school."

He pulled her phone from her hands and stuffed into his back pocket, then began his way back to the classroom.

"Hey! Give me back my phone!"

"You're just gonna quit on your first day because of one mean girl?" the boy asked rhetorically, shaking his head.

"You don't get it," she said, ripping her phone from his hand. "Now, if you excuse me,"

Before Andre could respond to her, the boy with the puppet ran up to them, panting, and asked them back to class. Andre promised they'd be back in a second, and then Cat came out.

"Sikowitz really wants you guys back in class!" the small girl said with much urgency.

The four of them argued for a few moments, only to be interrupted by Jade sauntering into view, a smug smirk plastered onto her perfectly proportioned face. "If you people don't get back to class, out whack-job teacher might explode."

Andre, Cat and Robbie walked towards the classroom, walking ahead of the two other girls.

"Why did you freak out when I grabbed you?" the mean girl asked, not at all concerned, but almost confused.

"You didn't see it?" Tori asked, her tone accusatory. Jade had to be bluffing. Of course, she saw it. There was no way she didn't. Every person had one soulmate, and they were theirs. And only theirs. She had to have seen it.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Jade said, definite confusion laced in her voice and on her face this time.

"You're lying."

"I am not a liar. I don't know what you're talking about!"

"The colour! You're telling me you didn't see the colour?"

Jade took a step away from Tori, her confusion morphing to horror. She shook her head, her eye flitting to the ceiling. She mumbled something the other girl couldn't hear under her breath before looking to her again, her face like stone.

"I am not your soulmate. Beck is my soulmate. I don't know who you are and what's going on in your life, but this isn't real. You're not my soulmate and you're not mine. This isn't how it works," she said, her voice low but dangerous. "Now, get the hell out of my school."

Tori squeaked, her head nodding frantically as she stumbled backwards until she was pressed flat against the doors of the school. Her breathing only slowed to normal when the other girl disappeared around the corner and into the classroom. She slipped outside and called her mom to come to get her. She was never coming back.


	2. Chapter 2

Tori did not leave Hollywood Arts after her first day. As much as she cried and begged her mother to let her transfer, she was brought back to the school the next day. And every day after that for almost two years.

She didn't understand anything about her relationship with Jade West. She knew they were soulmates. Everyone was assigned one (and only one) at birth; every single person. But, she insisted her soulmate was Beck Oliver. None of it made sense to the brunette. She and Jade had touched skin-to-skin countless times since the fateful day they met, and the explosion of colours danced in Tori's vision every single time. She would look to the goth, whose expression remained downturned into a scowl.

So, Tori never mentioned it. It really wasn't her place to tell the world they were soulmates, especially not with the circumstances. The world was an unpredictable place, and she couldn't risk it ruining either of their future careers. She couldn't do that to Jade, no matter how repugnant she could be.

When Beck and Jade broke up, a tiny morsel of hope sparked in Tori's chest. She let the notion of her and her soulmate finally getting together enter her head. It had to happen at some point. It was written in the stars. It was also then that the Latina realised the other girl had lied about Beck her soulmate. Tori had never asked the boy about it. It was a personal matter, and she was afraid of the answer he might give her. She saw it as a positive, though. The universe hadn't royally screwed up when creating her life. This was all supposed to happen, and the breakup was fate's way of pulling them together.

However, Jade became a recluse after the very public separation. She no longer sat with the group at lunch and didn't talk to anyone unless out of necessity, refusing any offers to do something social with her friends. She had only posted on The Slap twice. Once to confirm the end of her two-and-a-half-year long relationship with Beck. And a second time to tell everyone to leave her alone. She didn't answer texts and never returned anyone's calls, no matter the circumstance. She had isolated herself from the rest of the world while her ex-boyfriend sauntered around Hollywood Arts as if he owned the place. Tori could not think of a way to get in touch with her without pushing Jade further into her rough patch.

Tori sat down in her seat next to Andre in Sikowitz's classroom as the final bell sounded. She rolled her eyes back in her head and groaned at the sound, mentally slapping the person who thought Advanced Improvisation with Erwin Sikowitz at seven-thirty on a Monday morning was a good idea. She was exhausted and she really did not have the energy to deal with the eccentric teacher.

"Alright! Let's talk about the new play I'm directing," the teacher said, stepping off of the stage at the front of the room, a script and a coconut clenched in the same hand. He looked around at his students, his eyes too bright for so early in the morning. He frowned at the tired faces staring back at him, but kept his complaints to himself for the moment.

"Do I get to star in it?" Jade asked from the back of the classroom, where she sat on her own. She had her arms crossed over her chest and her feet up on the back of the chair in front of her. She rolled her own eyes when others in the class protested her wanting of the main role, and mocked them in various obnoxious voices. Tori decided that correcting the class and telling them that it was actually her and not Jade who had had the most lead roles was a bad idea, and kept her mouth shut. She did not feel like an argument with Jade.

"You see?" Sikowitz exclaimed, his voice louder than the bickering. He threw his arms in the air for emphasis. "Every time I cast a new play, you all get your panties in a pretzel." He picked up a box from the window sill and meandered between the rows of students. "So, this time, you people will choose your own roles."

The students each picked a role from the box their teacher presented in front of them. Andre and Beck pulled out twin brother Tommy and Carter, earning a laugh from most of the class. Jade pulled out Nancy, their mother. She didn't seem happy about it.

"Walter, husband of Nance…" Tori started, her voice lowering with worry as she read the small slip of paper. Her stomach curled in on itself. "I'll just pick another role."

This was not happening. The had played spouses once before during class, but that was an acting exercise for class, not a full-fledged production. This wasn't going to work.

"I'm supposed to play her wife?" Jade demanded, visibly fuming. The brunette could practically see smoke curling from her ears. She could feel an outburst brewing.

But, their teacher accepted no arguments, claiming his box had spoken and no changes could be made. He went on to explain the plot of the play and their deadlines. Rehearsals started a week from that class and they were expected to be off-book by then.

Tori tried to stop Jade at the end of class, maybe do some joined negotiated with Sikowitz to change the roles around, but the raven-haired girl's eyes screamed with offence at the suggestion, while her face bore nothing boredom. Tori wished their relationship wasn't so complicated.

* * *

They weren't able to feasibly play husband and wife. It just wasn't working. No matter how hard Tori tried, she could not bring herself to vocalise her affection for Jade, even it was while in character, and the other girl held no warmth for the brunette to express.

Tori's stomach twisted every time Sikowitz yelled at them for not being able to do this, to act like they at least tolerated each other; that they regarded one another with something more than disdain. They couldn't even pretend to be in love, and they were soulmates. How could they possibly do this in real life? Tori knew the pair of them were great actresses, especially Jade, yet their animosity undercut it and manifested as an inability to play their roles correctly. It was frustrating, and she was almost ready to cry when their teacher called them out in their sudden loss of talent for the fifth time that rehearsal.

"You girls meet me at Nozu tonight. Seven o'clock," Sikowitz told them after berating their acting so much is was near belligerent. He ignored their protests and questions, leaving the Black Box before they could refuse his invitation.

Tori and Jade stood next to one another in the empty theatre, barely a foot between them. Neither of them said anything at first, staring at the door in mild confusion.

"I'm not going," the raven-haired girl said, turning her head to look at Tori. She crossed her arms over her chest and pursed her lips, waiting for the other girl's response.

"I doubt we'll be there for more than an hour. He'll probably just give us some pointers and call us talentless again. I wouldn't miss it. Sikowitz can be scary," the brunette said, leaning back on her heels and huffing when Jade rolled her eyes and began to leave.

Tori stood alone in the theatre, her face hot from annoyance and her heart beating fast from being so close to her soulmate, even it was only for a second. She turned around and looked at the stage, set up for their play the following night. They had twenty-four hours to perfect this or the production would be a bust. Neither of them could afford a less than perfect performance. They had six months left of their high school careers. Representatives of the colleges they'd apply to attend these things. They had to be great or they weren't going anywhere.

Tori left the theatre and made a beeline for the Asphalt Cafe. Lunch had started ten minutes ago, and she'd already lost social time after school with her friends because of the play. She didn't want to waste anymore. She sat between Cat and Andre, placing her salad in front of her. No one was talking, each person on their phone or eating their food in silence. She looked around at her friends, trying to figure out what was wrong without asking. It took a few moments before she noticed Jade was sitting on the other side of the redhead, staring daggers at Beck while she stabbed her food with her fork.

"Did I miss something?" Tori asked in an attempt to diffuse the thick tension clouding over their table. Beck and Jade both rolled their eyes at her before resuming their staring competition. Robbie shrugged but looked like he did so as to not get himself in trouble. Cat didn't seem to notice anything was wrong.

"Jade sat down and everyone just stopped talking," Andre whispered to her, his voice barely audible. "She's my friend and all, but I wish she was sitting with her emo friends again."

The brunette didn't agree with him. She'd missed Jade in the months she'd been sitting with Ryder Daniels' old group of friends - her old group of friends. Yes, their group may have been a lot more vibrant without her, but it was like they'd lost an arm. It didn't feel right. Jade was one of them and they're group wasn't whole without her.

The goth seemed to have heard what he had said, and whipped her head around, moving her glare from her ex-boyfriend to Andre. "What did you just say?"

"Nothing," Andre said, almost wincing. Silence fell over the group again. Tonight was going to be fun.

* * *

Tori got to Nozu ten minutes early. She sat at the sushi bar and ordered herself an iced green tea while she waited for Sikowitz and Jade to arrive. Her teacher arrived a few minutes later. She checked her phone every few minutes, trying to stay calm when it was almost seven-thirty and Jade was a no-show. Of course, she would do this. She held no regard for anyone but herself. She didn't want to come, so she didn't.

"Call her," Sikowitz said at a quarter to eight. Tori didn't want to call Jade. The other girl had implied she wasn't coming earlier, and she was probably somewhere else doing God knows what. The brunette did not want to interrupt her and end up worsening their already dire relationship.

She opened her mouth to protest but was met with a harsh glare from Sikowitz. No words came, so she called Jade.

"What do you want, Vega?" she answered. She sounded as though she was in the car.

"You were supposed to meet me and Sikowitz at Nozu forty-five minutes ago," Tori said, rolling her eyes.

"And I told you, I'm not coming."

"You have to! Sikowitz said he'll fail us for the semester if you don't show up."

Jade bore no answer and hung up. Tori sighed and shook her head. "Jade isn't coming."

"Go home after you eat. I'll deal with her tomorrow."

Tori had already eaten her food when Jade texted her.

Jade West: Fine. I'll be there as soon as I can. -J

Jade finally walked through the door of the restaurant at eight-thirty. She brought no apologies and sat down on the chair next to Tori without uttering a word to her. She ordered her food and took her phone from her bag, setting it down on the counter.

"Is there a reason you're so late?" Tori asked, her arms crossed over herself and anger bubbling in her stomach. There was no way she was going to let Jade think she could waltz in an hour-and-a-half late and the brunette would be fine with it. She was far from fine with it.

"I had other plans," the raven-haired girl said with a shrug of her shoulders. She was lying, and Tori could tell. The singer narrowed her eyes but said nothing, as if that would pull the truth from the other girl. She knew it wouldn't. Jade would die with her secrets.

They didn't speak for a long time; Jade eating her food, and Tori stewing silently next to her, rolling a pair of chopsticks between her fingers. The brunette didn't want to be there, either. There were a hundred things she'd rather do than have dinner with someone who so openly disliked her. But, she was committed to this play, and she was determined for it to go well. She needed it to go well. She was surprised Jade hadn't been more invested, she was the one looking to get into an acting programme, and her credits were dwindling.

"There is no good reason you and I shouldn't be able to sit here together and have a conversation," Tori said once nine o'clock rolled around. It was a lie, her list of reasons she didn't want to talk to Jade was a mile long, but she hated sitting there in stifling silence. She felt like she couldn't breathe. They needed to talk at some point, even for a moment. They couldn't spend the rest of their lives pouting with one another because they'd never gotten over their petty rivalry from high school. They had another three hours here, they might as well make the best of it.

"I've got a good reason," Jade said, rolling her eyes. She'd finished her food about ten minutes ago.

"Which is?"

"I don't like you!" the paler of the two said pointedly, her voice more genuine than Tori cared to admit. She knew Jade didn't like her. She'd made it quite clear.

"And, I'm not your biggest fan, either. But, I'm mature enough to sit here and talk to you," Tori said, gaining confidence she didn't know she had. "Reach down into your twisted, bitter soul and see if you can find anything nice to say about me. One thing."

Jade swallowed hard, looking to the ceiling for patience. She didn't have an answer, by the looks of it. She drummed her fingers on the table, her teeth chewing at the skin of her bottom lip. She either could not think of a compliment, or she was being mean. Tori was almost certain it was latter, but the insecure voice in the back of her head told her it was the former.

"I guess… you're singing isn't… awful?"

Tori's gut twisted into an excruciating knot, almost knocking the wind from her. She should have expected a back-handed compliment, but it still hurt nonetheless. "Thanks so much!"

"Now let's hear something nice about me."

"Sure," the singers snapped, her mind reeling, "I admire how you're never afraid to share what you think."

"That's stupid."

"See! Now, your turn again."

Tori thought the other girl's eyes may roll out of her head if she rolled them again. Jade sighed and pursed her lips into a fine line for a moment. "I guess some people might say… from certain angles… you're pretty."

The brunette stared at the goth for a moment too long, her heart beating hard in her chest. Her breaths caught in her throat and she feared she might cry. She could not cry because Jade called her pretty. She couldn't. That would be pathetic.

"You could say I'm pretty!" Jade's words came as a harsh yell, but Tori saw the longing in her eyes for validation. Did she think she wasn't pretty? Jade West was perhaps the most beautiful person Tori had ever met, despite her hideous attitude.

"You are pretty," Tori promised, properly looking at her date for the first time that night. Her blue-green eyes, which were the same colour both when they were and weren't touching, shone in the lighting of the restaurant. Tori loved Jade's eyes. They almost made her behaviour tolerable. She could look into them for hours if she ever got the opportunity.

Jade looked away first, faking a cough. Tori followed suit and focused on the table closest to the entryway. Two boys around their age sat there, talking loudly about football. After a few minutes, one of them looked to her, a wide grin spreading across his face. He waved, and she reciprocated, before lowering his voice and turning to his friend again.

The two of them stood in unison, their gazes fixed on Tori and Jade. Oh, God. They were coming over. What had Tori done? This was already going terribly, and she'd just made it much, much worse. JAde was going to kill her.

"Uh oh!" they all but yelled, "babe sandwich!" They squashed Jade and Tori between them and then high-fived. Tori wished Jade would kill her.

Despite their efforts, the boys would not leave them alone until they sang Take a Hint, and then they slunk back to their table with their tails between their legs.

Tori sat back down again, breathless and giddy from the performance. Jade seemed to be feeling just as buzzed as she did, her rare smile breaking her face and showing off her perfect teeth. They ordered celebratory dessert, only ice cream to share.

"Are you going to tell me why you were late?" Tori asked. She took a spoonful of the ice cream and ate it, resting her spoon on her lips.

Jade stared at her for a few moments, her eyes lingering on the spoon. She hadn't eaten any of the dessert yet.

"Wait, what?" she asked after a moment, her eyes ripping from Tori's lips to her eyes.

"Are you going to tell me why you were so late?" Tori repeated patiently, her stomach doing backflips.

"I had to babysit," her soulmate said, her tongue running over the surface of her teeth. "I'm sorry I was so late.

The brunette beamed at her, not saying anything further. An apology from Jade West? She'd just worked miracles.

* * *

Jade stopped her car outside of the Vega residence at half after midnight. Tori smiled at her and moved to get out.

"Thanks for waiting up for me tonight," the goth said, rubbing her lips together as though she'd just applied lipgloss.

"Anytime," Tori replied, slinging her bag over her shoulder. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you tomorrow."

The brunette got out of the car and walked into the house. She shut the door behind her and slid down it. Her brain fogged with tiredness, but also with feelings she couldn't describe. Jade was nice to her! Jade! She stood from the floor and trudged to bed, her heart fluttering and a stupid smile on her face.

* * *

"I love you," Jade said as Nancy as the final line of the play, leaning in to hug Tori. They embraced for a moment too long, the brunette aching at the goth's touch. She bit down hard on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from expressing any reaction to the explosion of colours in the room.

They pulled apart, but kept their hands joined, and turned to face the audience and bowed. Sikowitz stood in the wings, clapping proudly. They'd done it. They'd proved they could act as a married couple with two kids despite their personal conflicts.

They exited the stage and Tori made a beeline for her dressing room, which she shared with Jade. No college representatives had shown up, so she could change then talk to her parents and friends afterwards.

She pulled her hair from inside her wig and out of its tight bun, and peeled off her moustache. She picked up the brush from her vanity and began to comb through her hair. The door opened and Jade filed through it, untying her apron, and her wig already off.

"Good show," she said, unzipping her dress and stepping out of it once it had pooled at her ankles. Tori looked away, keeping her eyes fixed on her reflection as she brushed her hair.

"Thanks. You too," she said.

She set the hairbrush down again and collected her neatly folded clothes from a chair and moved to the corner to change. By the time she was back in her own clothes and turned around, Jade was sat on the other side of the tiny room, lacing up her blood-red Doc Martens.

"Hey, Vega," she said, crossing her legs and fluffing her hair. Tori looked up and made eye contact. "Cat told me you need a ride to school next week. I can pick you up if you want."

"That would be great. Thanks," Tori replied, her face burning. She left the room before Jade and went home with her parents without talking to any of her friends. Her heart was beating too fast for her to coherently have a conversation.


	3. Chapter 3

Tori didn't expect to get picked to open the Platinum Music Awards. People from all over the country had auditioned, people with a whole lot more talent than she had. Cat had auditioned. There was no way she was going to beat Cat out for a signing role. It would be delusional to think she would.

She sat down at her piano anyway and played the first few chords of the song, careful not to stare into the camera for too long. She took a deep breath and began to sing, her nervousness melting from her shoulders. The notes sailed past her lips, her eyes closed, and an unconscious smile splitting her face. She knew she'd never in a million years get the spot, but this was what she loved, and even having the opportunity to audition was almost overwhelming.

She finished and smiled sheepishly at the camera as she turned it off, the weight that had been weighing on her shoulders all week lifting and dissipating into the air. She stood from the piano stool and tucked it under the instruments, then finally went to bed. It had been a long week.

* * *

Tori's lungs stopped working at the sight of Mason Thornesmith when he walked through the front doors of Hollywood Arts. Cat had gotten the spot. Her heart swelled and broke at the same time. She loved Cat, and was so incredibly proud of her, but the tiny glimmer of hope she'd held began to slip from between her fingers. She'd wanted this so terribly.

"Tori Vega!" Mr Thornesmith announced, raising his arm and pointing towards her. The world stopped around the brunette, time moving at a snail's pace as the producer and his entourage of assistants came across the hallway to her. Tori looked to Beck, who was standing next to her, feeling as though she was going to vomit. This wasn't happening. How on Earth had she pulled this off? She submitted one minute before the deadline. This hadn't seemed possible.

Mr Thornesmith stopped a metre away from her, with a smile showing a mouthful of blindingly white Hollywood teeth. "How would you like to open the Platinum Music Awards?"

Tori stared at him for a few long, mortifying moments, trying to process his question. She couldn't believe this was happening. How was this happening? She was just Tori. She began to nod her head before she registered what she was doing.

"Yes! Of course, I'd love to!" she said, her voice coming out as a squeak. Excitement replaced her awe.

One of his assistants gave her details to their first meeting as the crowd left, and Tori flung her arms around Beck, too elated to notice the stares this elicited. Almost all the stares; she couldn't help but notice staring at them, her jaw set and her eyes wide on the other side of the corridor from the corner of her eye. Tori's stomach twisted as she turned away, breaking away from the boy.

"Congrats," he said, breathless. He too stared at his ex-girlfriend, his lips a fine line. "That is so amazing!"

"Thank you!" she said with a tight smile, crossing her arms over herself. "Listen, I have to get to class. I'll see you later?"

Beck nodded and set off up the stairs, his eyes lingering on the raven-haired girl, whose head was now buried in her locker. Tori stared after him, watching him disappear from view. She adjusted her bag on her shoulder and spun on her heel, going to her own class.

She sat down at her desk in the middle of the classroom, crossing one leg over the other and reading the writing the board. They had a sub and had to study for a test next week. Tori's friends had taken Advanced Music History the semester before, and so she was in this class on her own. She pulled out a few books from her bag and started to study, already feeling her brain turn to mush.

The rest of the day dragged by slowly; every minute seemed like an hour. She itched to leave during lunch and go straight to Plutonium Records to meet with Mason. She was ready to cry when the final bell rang and she could finally leave, Andre hot on her heels. He already had a record deal with a small production company in Venice, and had since early sophomore year, but he wanted to see what a large scale label looked like - and Tori needed a ride.

Everything about the Plutonium Records office building was beyond intimidating. The front portion of the skyrise was comprised solely of large paned windows. People, most likely interns, darted around the lobby, papers and coffees and various objects clutched in the arms, all too busy to acknowledge the pair of high schoolers coming through the revolving doors. Tori leant back her head to admire the large cristal chandelier hanging from the ludicrously high ceiling, swallowing hard before flitting her gaze to Andre and then to the front desk. A stern-looking lady, no more than seven years older than them, sat behind it, staring straight on and talking quickly into the phone tucked between her shoulder and her cheek and typing frantically.

Tori and Andre stopped in front of the desk, looking around them while the woman was on the phone, surveying them as she spoke.

"Hello, welcome to Plutonium Records! How can I help you today?" Her high-pitched, cheery tone did not match the soulless expression on her face, and it startled the teenagers to much it took thirty seconds for Tori to respond.

"Oh! Sorry. I'm Tori Vega, and this is my friend Andre, I have a meeting with Mr Thoresmith about the Platinum Music Awards?" she said, her face glowing beetroot from embarrassment.

"You're our opening act! Congratulations! Mr Thornesmith's office is on the top floor. Take the elevator and there will be signs posted giving directions. I'll send him an email to let him know you're here!"

Tori nodded, her heart beating a mile a minute in her chest. She turned to Andre again, and the walked towards the elevators, reflecting brightly the sun streaming in from the many, many windows. Neither of them said anything as the ascended the twenty-three floors to the top floor, their focus on the linoleum panelling beneath their feet. This was so overwhelming. So many huge artists were signed with them, and Tori might be the next if her performance went well. The mere thought of it made her light-headed.

They came to a smooth stop and the doors of the elevator soundlessly slid open. Tori sucked in a laboured breath as they left it, the hallway spinning around her. Another reception desk became visible at the end of the corridor, surrounded by a plethora of door with plaques hanging from the outside.

She gave the secretary her details and she was told to go straight in, Mason was expecting he, but Andre had to sit outside in the fabulously furnished waiting room to the right.

* * *

Tori came out of the office with a bitter taste in her mouth, somehow feeling worse than she had before. She smiled at Andre when she rounded the corner and he came into view, but her chest tightened as her new boss's words bounced around in her head. Her legs shook beneath her as she walked, and she was afraid she might fall when she stopped in her tracks in front of her still-seated friend.

"Sorry, it took so long. Apparently, I don't know as much about the industry as I thought I did. He was just catching me up on the basics and going over my rehearsal schedule. Ready to go?" she said, her words falling from between her lips with alarming speed. She felt as though her mouth had somehow become detached from her brain as she continued to ramble on their way back to the lift.

Andre talked animatedly about a very awkward encounter with Bruno Mars in the bathroom, but Tori wasn't listening. All she could think about was the fact she had to change herself completely to keep this job. The thought nauseated her, but it was what she had to do, right?

They drove back to Tori's house without speaking, the brunette still too in her own head to process what was going on around her. The radio played music softly, only barely drowning out the deafening silence/

What the hell was she going to do?

* * *

Tori sat down between Robbie and Andre in Sikowitz's classroom, Jade directly behind her. She rolled her eyes in preparation for the inevitable scrutiny she was about to receive from the other girl. None came, though, and they never did. Tori spent a week dressing like a model for a Lady GaGa and Lisa Frank collaboration and acting like an utter jerk, and she didn't get one insult from the raven-haired girl. Not one. Jade drove her to school each morning without comment, making small talk and asking if Tori was going off-campus for lunch. It was odd. It was as if she understood.

A burst of colour caught the brunette by surprise when Jade pulled her into the janitor's closet by the wrist four days before the awards show. As always, she wore a bored expression, but her eyes were riddled with concern.

"What the hell are you doing?" she said, her tone sharp and accusatory. She wasn't about to beat around the bush.

Tori poorly feigned confusion, knitting her eyebrows together. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm not doing anything."

Jade sighed and rolled her eyes into the back of her head, frustration bleeding from her frown. "You're dressing like a dick. You're acting like a dick. Something is off."

The brunette licked her teeth before pursing her lips. She wasn't sure why hot anger was crawling up her chest, but she didn't want to subdue it. Her facade made her want to scream, and she was more than ready to take it out on her soulmate.

"Don't act like you care about me when I know for a fact you don't. Stop it. You have no right to call me out for my behaviour when you're an asshole all the time. Leave me alone."

Tori left the small room, fuming. She hated what she was doing, but Jade had no right to shame her for it. It was none of her business. She acted worse than this at times. She was being such a hypocrite.

The brunette stormed down the corridor, glowering at those who openly stared at her. She didn't even feel bad about offending people she'd otherwise get along with, she was so tired of pretending to be this person she wasn't, and it was taking a toll on her. She walked into a freshman, who squeaked in horror and scurried away before Tori could apologise. She opened her mouth, but no words came, staring after the younger student as they walked down the hallway, almost at a run. She'd never been intimidating before. She was approachable and friendly. She was _Tori. _This wasn't her.

She knew Jade was right, and the realisations gnawed away her insides as she sat down in study hall in the very back corner, hoping no one would look too hard in her direction. She'd wanted to tell Jade - or anyone, really - the truth, about everything that was going on. But, the thought of getting her place at the Platinum Music Awards taken from her made her feel worse than she already did.

* * *

"You just want to tell everyone that it's all an act, that those people are forcing you to dress and act like a jerk?" Beck said, answering his own question. There were two days until the awards, and the facade was becoming unbearable, both for Tori and the people around her. He rested his hand on her knee, probably supposed to be a comforting gesture, but it sent a nervous surge through her.

"How did you know?" she asked, every little bit of stress lifting off her shoulders, if only for a second.

He smiled at her, almost affectionately. It made her want to vomit. Was she sending him those signals? She hoped to God she wasn't, the last thing she needed was for her to lead him on. Again.

"Because you're Tori," he replied softly, his eyes flicking between her lips and her own eyes. "You wouldn't act like that unless someone was making you."

"Oh my god! You've no idea how happy I am that you know the truth!" She grabbed the front of his flannel shirt in an attempt to show her gratitude, her excitement of being able to tell someone overwhelming her previous discomfort. It only lasted a second, and the unpleasant sinking in the pit of her stomach returned, and she let go of him again, clearing her throat. "I didn't tell you, though! You figured it out on your own! I won't get in trouble for this!"

"Okay," he replied, giving her a thumb's up, an air of awkwardness to his voice. "Why don't you just stop?"

He really thought it was really that easy. That her job and potential career was at stake if she went against this. Half of the world watched the awards; there was no way she'd put this opportunity in jeopardy. He 't tried to reassure her they wouldn't fire her the day before the performance - they'd never find a replacement. She had a creeping suspicion they could, but she was so tired of being someone she wasn't she agreed to come to school the next day in her ordinary clothes.

They sat and stared at one another for a few long, uncomfortable moments. Beck's eye contact was intense and stifling. Tori wanted to look away, focus on anything else, but the boy's eyes were mesmerising and she couldn't look away. She'd never seen the appeal in him before now. He began to lean forward, his eyes half-closed. She found herself reciprocating, unaware of the intentions towards their actions. They'd kissed quite a few times before, but this would be different. This wasn't for a scene or to spite Jade. Or maybe it was; Tori was so pissed at her she didn't even care.

Tori had close to zero interest in kissing Beck. She felt more of a brotherly love towards him than a romatic love. Plus, he was Jade's ex-boyfriend. While the two of them were at odds, for reasons the brunette was yet to understand, she couldn't do that. A moment before their lips could meet in the middle, or she could pull away, Tori's mother came through the front door, causing Beck to dive away from her. Thank God. He left after that, not able to bear the uncomfortable atmosphere that had fallen upon the room. Tori was silently glad.

* * *

Tori clambered into Jade's car the next morning in her own clothes, earning a raised eyebrow from the other girl, who otherwise didn't say anything. Nerves twisted at the back of the brunette's throat, and she considered getting back out of the car and staying in bed all day, hiding from the world.

The raven-haired girl started the car before she could. Her mind reeled while the other girl fiddled with the radio at a red light. She was so calm. It was jarring to see the world hadn't stopped because of Tori's inner turmoil, and she knew it wouldn't. It was just _weird_ to see Jade so _relaxed _when the brunette had been on the verge of a panic attack since the start of the week.

Mason and his team of assistants were waiting for her at the front doors of the school. Her stomach dropped at the face her boss made when his eyes landed on her. He fired her and then asked Jade if she wanted the gig. Just like that.

"Me?" the goth asked, pointing her finger into her chest. She looked like she might vomit.

"Yes," Mason responded, his tone lighter with his new potential client that it had been with Tori. "I remember your audition being quite spectacular."

Tori didn't doubt that for a second, but Jade couldn't her place. She _wouldn't. _She may have been Jade, but she wasn't a compassionless person, she'd turn it down. She had to.

"I'd love to," Jade said, still seeming to be in utter shock. Mason linked arms with her and walked her out the front doors before anyone could process what had just happened.

Tears pricked in the back of Tori's eyes and a sob clenched around her throat. Every nerve in her body sparked with heartache. For a number of reasons. She stared at the door for several minutes, the crowd that had formed around her got bored and left for first period. She stumbled backwards once the final bell rang, and she made a break for the bathroom.

The tears came hot and fast as she slammed the bathroom door shut, leaning back to rest on it. She had to go home. She couldn't bear to face anyone. She choked on her own breath, her chest heaving in attempts to get oxygen to her lungs. She felt like she was dying.

She managed to pull her phone from her pocket with her shaking fingers and called her mother. A whole minute of silence passed before she could speak.

"Mom, can you come and get me? Mr Thornesmith gave my spot to Jade. I really need to be alone for a while."

Holly Vega arrived at the school ten minutes later, offering a hug and a string of apologetics. Tori didn't listen to her, too busy trying to clear her fog machine of a mind. She took deep breaths, hoping and praying this was some twisted dream she'd wake up from. She never did.

Tori went straight to bed when she got home and didn't resurface again until her friends came over the day of the awards to try and cheer her up. Robbie, Andre and Beck came bearing gifts. It was very sweet of them, but stuffed dogs and chocolate leaf blowers weren't going to mend her broken heart. Cat - who was with Jade, helping her get ready - video-called, asking if they wanted to come and get a tour of the venue. Robbie and Andre accepted, leaving Tori and Beck alone. _Brilliant._

It wasn't awkward until it was, and he tried to kiss her again. She pulled away from his advances, screwing up her face, discomfort evident on her features.

"I'm sorry," he said, sounding more annoyed than disappointed or embarrassed.

"No, I'm sorry. I-" she said in response, flush creeping up her neck and burning her ears.

"I didn't mean-"

There was a series of unfinished sentences that came after this, neither of them knowing what to say or do.

"Why can't we kiss?" Beck's question hit Tori like a metric tonne of bricks. She had not expected him to be this forward, and she certainly did not appreciate it.

"Because," she started, trying to think of a reason. She didn't need a reason. Not wanting to was a valid reason, but she had a feeling he wouldn't accept that answer. "Because of Jade," she said, sounding confident, but nerves rattled in her lungs.

"Jade and I broke up," he replied simply, as though she was dim. He didn't get it.

"I know that. But, Jade is my friend, and kissing your friend's ex-boyfriend is generally frowned upon."

Beck stared at her in disbelief for a few seconds, as though she was speaking in a foreign language.

"Since when are you friends with Jade?"

Tori almost didn't answer, contemplating just asking him to leave instead of continuing their conversation.

"That's not the point. I'm not kissing you because it would hurt Jade, and I don't want to do that."

"Why not? She has been nothing but mean to you since the two of you met! You just let her walk all over you, and, now, you're letting her influence who you kiss? This is ridiculous!"

Beck's words left a sour taste in Tori's mouth and burned the back of her throat. He felt he was entitled to kiss her because he _wanted to. _He'd never been rejected by a girl before, and now that it was happening, he was throwing a tantrum.

"You want to know why? We can't kiss because I don't want to kiss you. I don't like you like that, and your behaviour is making me feel ill. I'm not kissing you because I've seen you in a relationship before, and you're a terrible boyfriend. And, lastly, I'm not kissing you because I'm gay. Now, if you please, get out of my house." The words escaped her mouth before she could think about them. She wasn't even sure if that last point was true. She'd never admitted them to herself, anyway.

Beck didn't say anything after that, but rather stood from the couch and left, slamming the front door behind him.

Tori stood from the couch, too, and went upstairs to get ready to go see Jade perform. She may have been furious with her, but she still wanted to support her. She was her friend and, more importantly, she was her soulmate.

* * *

The Platinum Music Awards did not go as planned. Jade gave Tori her spot back, and the brunette sang a song she'd written herself for it. It was probably the best night of her life. The huge rush of endorphins was worth every second of sadness she'd experienced over the last few days. Just to add a cherry to the cake, Mason rehired her afterwards. Everything was falling back into place again.

The last few notes sailed from between her lips and she grinned widely into the microphone and searched for her friends in the crowd. She hugged each and every one of them, even Cat's Bibble guard, Oliver. Every one of them but Jade, who was nowhere in sight.

Tori was the last person to see her. She must have left immediately after they had spoken backstage. Beck and Andre searched the venue for her while Cat and Robbie tried to call her. God knows she wouldn't have answered Tori. Not one of them was successful. She wasn't here.

Tori got Jade's address from Cat, deciding it was best to go talk to her before the resentment kicked in. She could not be bothered to have another elongated feud with her. It was getting old.

She took the car Plutonium Records had given her to get to the after-party to Jade's house. She'd never been before, so she was surprised when the car pulled up to a gate leading into one of the private neighbourhoods in Calabasas. Tori knew Jade's family had money, but she'd never realised how much they did have. The house was huge, much larger than the Vega's house.

Tori took a moment before leaving the car, asking the driver to wait on her. She wouldn't be long. She rang the doorbell, holding her breath as she waited for an answer. It took a few minutes, but a woman in her mid-thirties answered, a gentle smile on her face.

"Hi, is Jade here? I'm sorry it's so late, but she kind of just disappeared and I wanted to make sure she's okay," Tori said, smiling apologetically.

"Jade is in her room," the woman said, allowing the teenager into the house and leading her up the grand staircase. "She's quite upset, so I'd be careful."

Tori nodded, watching the other woman descend the stairs again. She knocked on the solid wooden door of what she assumed was Jade's bedroom, her heart thumping painfully in her throat.

"Jade?" she said, unsure if her voice was audible. She heard movement from the other side, and the raven-haired girl poked her head from inside the door, rolling her eyes when she saw who was there. She'd removed all her makeup, her hair was tied in a haphazard bun on the top of her head and she was wearing her pyjamas. By the looks of it, she'd been crying, too.

"What are you doing here?" she asked, her voice filled with venom. She narrowed her eyes, but Tori didn't find her nearly as intimidating as she was trying to be.

The brunette quirked an eyebrow at her and shrugged. "You just left."

Jade sighed, looking to the ceiling before resuming their eye contact. "I didn't want to watch you do yet another thing I was supposed to do."

Tori frowned. She thought that she was supposed to do this? Had she forgotten how she'd gotten the opportunity in the first place? If anything, Tori had planned to watch Jade do something _she _was supposed to do. Jade had stolen this from Tori, not vice versa.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Jade opened the door to her bedroom and sat on her bed. Tori took this an invitation to go inside. Butterflies in glass cases hung on the wall facing the large, four-poster bed, two antique armchairs and a coffee table stood in a corner on top of a well-worn rug. The only source of light was a dim lamp on one of the nightstands. This was Jade's personality in a room.

"I'm talking about the fact you came backstage and practically guilted me into giving you the performance back. _And _the fact you have taken nearly every leading role from me ever since you skipped into school two years ago," the paler of the two said, the lack of lighting casting dark shadows across her soft features.

"You're just bitter that there's someone brave enough to audition against you. You're just a jealous, vicious person who likes to blame anyone but herself when things don't go her way," Tori scoffed.

"No, I'm bitter because you're a terrible actress and the only reason you get roles is that Sikowitz thinks the sun shines out of your ass. You have no talent, Vega, yet you're taking away roles away from people who actually have a chance of getting roles because their credits end as soon as you waltzed in. It isn't fair that you're a singing major and you just do everything, even if you're bad at it. You're the selfish one here," Jade said, getting more angry with every spiteful word that left her mouth. Her spiel felt like a punch to the gut, and Tori had trouble speaking as they registered. She knew Jade could be cruel, but she'd never gone this low.

Tori took a step back, shaking her head, her bottom lip trembling. "You're a bitch, you know that? I thought it was bad enough you've forced me to pretend we're not soulmates for the last two years, but you're possibly the worst person I've ever met. I hope you rot in hell, Jade West."

She didn't wait for a response, leaving and slamming the door behind her. She was afraid she'd just won a battle but lost the war.


	4. Chapter 4

Tori knew Jade said what she said to be cruel; to hurt the brunette. That didn't make it hurt any less. She knew she wasn't the most talented person at the school - Andre and Cat were better musicians than her, and Beck and Jade were better actors in certain roles - but that didn't make her untalented. The realisation that Jade hated Tori, more than the surface level pettiness and competitiveness, was a punch to her gut. They were _soulmates, _yet they couldn't stand each other. This wasn't how it was supposed to be. At all. Soulmates were supposed to be fast friends turned lovers; their relationships like romantic comedies without the angst in the middle. Jade and Tori's sick joke of a so-called relationship was more like an episode of Dawson's Creek than Notting Hill.

Tori's Jade dilemma was exacerbated by Beck directing a short film by the name of _The Blonde Squad, _starring Cat, Tori and Jade. Tori had planned on avoiding Jade for the last few weeks of the semester, but, of course, the Monday after their blow out after the Platinum Music Awards, they were forced to work in close quarters. To make things even worse, Tori had to play Jade's mentor, and the raven-haired teenager's character was an idiot. She complained about everything constantly, from everything to her blonde wig, which the brunette thought she suited but would never admit that out loud, to the fact Beck had cast her as the dumb one because they were exes. She never got a solid no on that one, and Tori kind of believed it, too.

"Hey! You guys want to go grab some sushi from Nozu?" Tori asked after they had wrapped their last day of filming.

"Yay!" Cat said loudly. It wasn't a real reply, but the brunette took it as accepting the invitation.

"I don't want to, but I will," Jade responded dryly, crossing her arms over her chest. Tori rolled her eyes at her. Could she be nice for once in her life? The answer was no, and everyone knew that, but the brunette could only hope it changed. They decided to get dinner in their wigs, which worsened the goth's mood. She really hated being blonde.

"This is so cool! We're blondes! We're like princesses," Tori said, playing with the ends of the synthetic hair. She sat in the middle of the trio at the sushi bar.

"Can you be the princess who gets poisoned?" Jade asked without hesitation, and more enthusiasm than anyone had ever heard from her before. Despite her peppy tone, she still managed to glare at the others, her face like stone.

"You would like that, wouldn't you?" the usual brunette asked, her brow furrowed and her patience thin. She didn't know how much more of this she could put up with.

"Why, yes. I _would _like that," the goth responded in her uncanny impression of Judy Garland in the nineteen forties, her voice dripping with malice.

"I don't talk that like!"

Tori went on to explain she liked being blonde because cute boys liked blondes after Cat questioned her excitement.

"It doesn't matter. They can't see what colour your hair is, anyway. Your hair could be neon pink for all they know," Jade said, playing with her chopsticks. Tori didn't reply, but sent a scathing look in her direction.

Cat left to go to the bathroom, but ended up sitting with some boy. This left Tori and Jade to sit alone. For the first time since their date. Perfect.

They sat in complete silence for a long time, eating the food without even sparing a glance at one another. Tension loomed thick over their heads, weighing heavy on their shoulders. Tori felt like she was suffocating. Neither of them wanted to be near each other, and their friendship, if you could even call it that, was hanging on by the skin of its teeth.

"What are you doing this weekend?" she asked, hoping small-talk could dissipate the animosity pulsing between them.

"You don't care what I'm doing this weekend. Why are you talking to me like I'm your friend after what I said to you last weekend? Why are you doing this to yourself?" Jade said, folding her hands on the table in front of her. She made intense eye contact with the brunette, raising an eyebrow after a moment without an answer. Tori thought she might drown in the oceanic pools of the goth's eyes.

"You're right, I don't care. But, I'm trying to be civil. A mature person," she choked out a few moments later, ripping her gaze to the ceiling. "So, tell me. What are you doing this weekend? I want to know all your plans."

Jade kept her gaze on Tori's face for a long couple of seconds, looking to be considering if the question was worth answering; if she should give the brunette what she wanted.

"I have to go up to San Francisco to visit my dad and his family," she said, resting her chin on one of her hands. "I wish I wasn't."

Tori digested the information, trying to think of a reason Jade's father lived on the other side of the state. She couldn't. Divorce was practically unheard of. No one married before they met their soulmate, and once they did they were together until death did them part. "Your parents aren't together?"

"They aren't soulmates," Jade said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "They had me when they were still in high school," she added after a short pause, as though she didn't want Tori to know. Tori almost understood.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

Another unbearable tumbled over them as a server cleared their plates and brought the bill. They sat for another few moments after they paid for their foods. Tori waited for Jade to ask her about her weekend. She didn't. They exchanged brief, stilted replies and left. Cat was still with the boy.

The dinner left a bitter taste in Tori's mouth. It was unpleasantly similar to their date, except they'd been on much better terms on their date, and the brunette hadn't wanted to burst into tears just by being near the blue-eyed teenager.

Their short film premiered the following Friday. It turned out great and landed well with the audience. Everyone involved got a good grade. There was nothing to complain about, but watching Jade and herself get along, even as characters, left a niggling feeling at the back of Tori's throat. She should really put more effort into their relationship, even if she had to use force. She was going to make this work if it killed her.

After the film had ended, Tori cornered Jade in the girls' bathroom. "You have to give me a ride." They hadn't been carpooling since the incident at the goth's house, and the brunette was forced to drive to school with Trina again.

"I don't have to do anything," Jade responded, pushing past the singing major to wash her hands, which she did three times. Tori didn't blame her. Their school bathrooms were disgusting.

"I don't have a ride and you're my only friend I trust driving."

The raven-haired girl paused for a moment, caught off guard. She blinked slowly and turned to the brunette. "There's a couple things wrong with what you just said. One: we're not friends. Two: you should never trust me, especially not in a car. And, three: get a ride with Beck."

"Beck's an asshole."

Jade nodded in understanding, as though Tori's words had resonated deeply. "Fine. But I'm never doing it again."

Tori beamed. Jade washed her hands again and they left. They sat in the car for a few moments, the goth doing something on her phone before groaning and finally starting the car. She never vocalised why she was annoyed, which was a first, and the brunette didn't ask.

"Can I ask you about something?" Tori asked as they pulled out of the parking lot. She chewed on the skin of her bottom lip, trying to figure out how she was supposed to go about this.

Jade exhaled and hesitated for a moment. "Shoot."

"I'm sorry about the Platinum Music Awards," the singer said sincerely, eyeing the other girl carefully.

"You have nothing to be sorry for," the acting major said, taking a turn, her eyes stuck to the road.

Tori knew she had nothing to be sorry for. But, she thought by apologising, she could pull an apology out of Jade, too. That didn't look likely. Maybe it was too soon. She wanted an apology at some point, but it was imperative she got one now. She knew how her soulmate was. Feelings weren't exactly her forte.

"Okay," Tori said with a nod. The goth still wasn't looking at her, which was fine. She was driving. She shouldn't be looking at Tori. But, she wished she would.

"Look, I know you're trying to extend an olive branch, or whatever. You're not subtle. I get you want to be friends. Let it happen naturally. Don't force it, or we'll end up hating each other more than we already do," Jade said, flitting her eyes to the brunette for a millisecond at most.

"I don't hate you."

Jade didn't say anything, and kept her head turned slightly away from Tori. She did hate Tori - or at leadt had hated her. But that information wasn't new.

"Can we at least try to get along? Like, make an effort? Please?"

"It's got to happen at some point."

A smile graced both their faces. Jade's was genuine, not her usual sarcastic smirk. The silence that fell over them was comfortable. Neither of them felt the need to fill the car with pointless drivel of a conversation. They were happy to just enjoy the presence of one another, even if they'd never dare admit it to themselves or otherwise.

"You want to come in?" the brunette asked once they'd reached her home. It was only nine-thirty. It was early enough.

"Can't, sorry. I have to babysit my brother and I have to leave early in the morning to get to my dad's," Jade said. "Maybe another time?"

"Yeah, sure. When fo you get back from San Fran?"

"Not until Sunday night."

"Okay. Well, see you, Jade."

"Later, Vega."

Tori spent the rest of the night with a fuzzy, tingling feeling in her stomach. She felt the same way she'd felt when she'd performed in front of a crowd for the first time, or when she got into Hollywood Arts. It was perhaps the best feeling in the world. And _Jade West_ had given it to her. She'd smiled at her, the way she smiled when a freshman fell over and the way she used to smile at Beck when they were sophomores. Tori ignored the horrible voice in the back of her head that told her this wouldn't last - it never lasted with Jade - even if it was probably right.

Jade didn't mention how her weekend with her father was on Monday. Tori didn't want to ask. They'd gone four days without an argument, which must have been some sort of record, and she didn't want to ruin that by asking stupid questions. They didn't fight the rest of the week, actually. They got along and didn't make malicious jokes aimed at one another. It was a pleasant and long-needed change. Their friends didn't seem to notice. Tori was almost grateful.

Jade began to give Tori rides to and from school again, which also was a lot more successful than it had been previously. They talked about things more than school and Andre's new girl of the week. They were having _fun_.

Tori was at Jade's car before her on Friday afternoon because her last period class had let out early. She leant against the passenger door, messing around on her phone while she waited. She didn't notice Beck had come up to her until he cleared his throat to catch her attention.

"Oh, hey," she said, tucking her phone into her back pocket. "Sorry, I didn't see you there."

"It's cool," he said, leaning on his heels. "What are you doing waiting at Jade's car?"

Tori stared at him for a long second, taking back any thought she had that he was at least somewhat smart. "She's my ride home. Why?" She couldn't think of a reason why he would care. The pair had barely spoken since they almost kissed before the Platinum Music Awards, and he and Jade still avoided one another like the plague. He really had no reason to ask.

"Do you want me to give you a ride instead?" Beck asked, looking in the direction of his beat-up truck. Tori would rather sleep in the parking lot than go home with him.

"No, it's okay. Thanks, though," she said, trying to be as polite as possible. He nodded and walked away, one hand in his pocket and the other in his hair.

Jade finally came out five minutes later. Her creative writing teacher always kept students late, especially last period. She sauntered from the front door of the school to her car, a deep scowl on her face. Tori decided not to mention her encounter with Beck.

"Hey, Vega," Jade said, her fake anger melting from her face as she got into the car. She looked like that on purpose, probably so no one would bother her. Tori still didn't want to tell her about Beck, though. The brunette climbed into the car, too.

They pulled out of the parking lot, each of them rejoicing to get away from school. They stopped at a red light when Jade turned to Tori. "I don't want to go home."

Tori nodded, unsure of what to say. She couldn't tell if this was some sort of cry for help or she wanted them to spend more time together. She hoped for the latter. "Er… we could go to my house, if you want."

"No… I want to go _do something. _And Trina's at your house."

Tori rolled her eyes. "Okay, what do you want to do?"

Jade shrugged but seemed to have something in mind and drove in the opposite direction of the brunette's house. Ten minutes into their drive to the undisclosed location, the goth shoved her unlocked phone into Tori's hand. "Put on my musicals playlist."

Tori didn't know why he hadn't done it herself, she'd gotten as far as opening her Spotify app, she might as well have turned it on. The singer scrolled down the other girl's playlists, becoming increasingly intrigued by her soulmate's music taste. She had not expected Jade to be a fan of Britney Spears. She clicked on the '_Shuffle Play'. Take Me or Leave Me _from _Rent _flooded through the speakers of the car. They sang along to every song that came after that, and Tori almost cried when Jade sang _On My Own_ as though she was performing it. She didn't quite hit all the top notes, and lowered the key for the finale, but it was still incredible. The brunette could only imagine what it would sound like on a stage, and not in the cramped confines of a car. She got goose pimples just thinking about it.

"Where are we going?" Tori asked after a total of forty minutes on the road. Most of the time had been spent in traffic, but they didn't seem to be anywhere near their destination.

"To get ice cream," Jade said, finally pulling into a parking space on the street. She raised an eyebrow when she turned to look at the other teenager, who was staring at her in mild disbelief. "What?"

"There are like a hundred ice cream places on every street. Why did we have to drive so far?"

"This one has vegan options that don't taste like ass."

Tori nodded, unaware until now that Jade was vegan. When she thought about, she knew very little about Jade. She'd learned more about her in the last week than in the two years previous they'd known one another. The goth got out of the car and walked around to the pavement. She waited a moment before swinging open the passenger door and pulling Tori out by the wrist.

"Wow," Jade said, releasing the brunette's arm once she'd steadied herself.

"What?" Tori asked. Jade had never had any sort of reaction to their touching before, it was odd she had one now.

"The sign for this place is a really ugly colour." Oh.

"So you're acknowledging you can see in colour now?"

Jade stopped in her tracks, sighing defeatedly. "I guess I am."

They walked into the ice cream parlour without saying much else, and went straight to the counter. Tori got strawberries and cream and Jade got dairy-free chocolate. Which must have been gross. Dairy chocolate ice cream wasn't nice, so the vegan version must have been terrible. The brunette didn't say anything, though. They'd driven forty minutes to get it, and she didn't want to listen to Jade rant at her for the forty minutes back.

"This is weird, isn't it?" Jade asked when they were seated in a booth in the far back corner. God forbid someone saw them together. Their pinkies overlapped on the table.

"Why would it be weird?" Tori asked, knitting her eyebrows together in confusion.

"I'm being nice to you and taking you out for ice cream. This must be as weird for you as it is to me," the raven-haired teenager said, her eyes firmly on the table.

"You've been nice to me for like two weeks now. I don't think it's weird. I always knew you weren't as mean as you've made everyone believe you are. There's something too likeable about you to be a one-note mean girl," Tori said, choosing her words carefully.

"That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

"You obviously haven't been surrounding yourself with the right people, then."

There was a silence as Tori's words dissipated into the air. The only sounds were the loud ice cream makers and the ladies behind the counter chatting in the back. The words hung heavily in the air for a few minutes before either of them could say anything. It seemed the words hit too close to home for both of them. Tori knew Jade had always had trouble keeping friends close. It was one of the very few things she knew about the girl, and it was only because she'd watched it happen first-hand with Cat and a few girls Tori didn't know. And Tori had the inability to trust people, and therefore convinced herself her friends didn't actually like her. That she annoyed them. Jade probably had something to do with that.

"I know what you told Beck," Jade said after a long while. "Thank you for not kissing him."

This knocked all air from Tori's lungs. Beck had told his ex-girlfriend about what happened the night of the Platinum Music Awards. He had no right. She wasn't even sure what she had told him was one hundred percent true, and he was going around telling people!

"He told you?" Tori deadpanned, anger bubbling hot in her veins.

"No. God, no. Beck wouldn't do that. As much as he's an asshat, he's not a bad guy," the other teenager said, starting to ramble. She didn't want to admit how she knew. "Neither you or Cat ended the video call, and I kind of saw everything." She sighed. There was something that almost resembled regret laced in her voice. She looked up again to make eye contact, chewing the inside of her cheek.

"Oh. You heard everything?" Tori's heart pounded hard in her chest. Jade had heard her accidentally come out to her ex-boyfriend after they almost kissed. And that she cared about her. Cool. Very cool.

"Yeah. I wouldn't have brought it up, but I thought it was only right that you knew I know. I know how hard it is to come around to that kind of thing, and I'm here if you want to talk about it."

Tori didn't know what to say. This didn't sound like Jade at all. She swallowed hard and nodded. "Thank you."

They finished their ice cream and drove around for another hour or so, talking about the fact Jade liked Gwen Stefani and _Gossip Girl. _Tori was learning so much, and was having the most fun she'd had in a long time. She felt like she could breathe and just be herself. She wasn't sure what had prevented her from doing so before then, but something about Jade made her feel more at peace. A month ago, Tori would have laughed if someone told her how drastically their relationship had changed so quickly. It was new, but not unwelcome.

Tori and Jade sat next to one another on the ride to Wanko's Warehouse a week later. At school and around their friends, they'd acted like they still felt nothing but disdain for one another. Still having petty arguments and openly insulting each other to prevent anyone from getting suspicious. Not that there was anything to be suspicious of. It was just better to be safe than sorry. They'd been bickering the whole way there about who had to sit in the middle on the way back, but smiled every so often to reassure they were still on good terms.

They were fake fighting until Jade had the bright idea to camp out inside the store, which ended up forcing them to be stuck in one of the aisles. Then they started fighting for real. It felt sickeningly familiar, in the worst way possible. They had been doing so well for so long and Jade had ruined it so quickly.

Tori should have known it wouldn't last; should have listened to that annoying voice in the back of her head. They'd gone from _hating _one another to best friends, and perhaps something more, in the space of three weeks. That never works - not even with soulmates. There was too much guilt and bad feelings between them for that to happen. They needed time to get to know one another, slowly. Not just have forced heart-to-hearts in various restaurants. That's not how things worked.


	5. Chapter 5

Tori and Beck were not on a date. They'd made that very clear. They were on what they had coined an opposite date. There was nothing romantic about this. They didn't like each other like that (or in Tori's case she didn't like Beck at all). They weren't even having a good time. The only reason they were even out together alone was that their other friends had other plans without them.

It wasn't a date. They ate seafood they bought from a truck and dressed like they were taking the garbage out and brought a dog to the vet.

It wasn't a date. And Jade had no reason to be jealous, of either of them.

But she still found a reason to be jealous when she and Cat arrived at the veterinary clinic as Tori and Beck were preparing to leave.

"I'm not mad," the raven-haired girl said, uncrossing her arms and letting them fall to her sides. Cat said it was a trick. Tori almost agreed. "Unless there is something I should be mad about?" She aimed the question at her soulmate, her tone begging for an argument. She didn't get one.

The four teenagers left the vet with Beck's aunt's dog twenty minutes later, an awkward silence clinging to them. They stood in the parking lot in a circle, staring at one another, waiting for someone else to talk. It didn't look like someone was going to.

"I should probably get Buster home," Beck said, raising the dog's leash. "I'll see you guys on Monday." The three girls nodded with tight smiles, murmuring farewells, and watched him pack himself and the dog into his truck and drive away.

The tension lifted a fraction from the group without him there. At least ten of their issues had to do with him. Tori felt a little less like she might be sick without the presence of Beck and Jade. She could only deal with them one at a time.

"I guess I'm giving you a ride home then," Jade said, finally breaking the increasingly suffocating silence. She didn't sound angry, not at Tori anyway.

"Yeah. What kind of date abandons you at a pet hospital?" Tori hopes her friends got that she was joking. Cat didn't and gasped theatrically, clamping a hand over her agape lips. A smile ghosted Jade's lips, pulling their corners a millimetre upwards, and she rolled her eyes. She thought it was funny. Thank God. They piled into Jade's black Land Rover, Tori shotgun and Cat sitting happily in the middle seat in the back.

"Hey, Tori! Jadey is staying at my house tonight. You totally should too!" the redhead said, wriggling slightly under her seatbelt in what must have been pent up energy. "We could have a slumber party!"

The goth groaned as she pulled out of the parking lot, glaring at Cat through the rearview mirror. Tori wasn't sure if it was the use of her nickname, Tori staying with them too or her calling it a slumber party that annoyed her soulmate. Perhaps it was a combination of all three.

"Sure. I'll have to go home and ask my mom and get my stuff though. Is that okay, Jade?" the brunette said, fixing her gaze to the side of the raven-haired girl's face. She trailed her eyes down the slope of her nose and over the valley of her lips, and then back up to the flutter of her eyelashes. She swallowed hard and ripped her eyes from Jade again, staring intently at the glove compartment on her side of the dashboard.

Jade nodded. "Yeah, whatever."

Cat squealed from the backseat and began a long and exhausting to listen to ramble about everything they would do; paint each other's nails, write a Broadway show, make a ranking of every cupcake flavour. Tori wondered what exactly her two friends got up to when they had these "slumber parties".

Tori's parents weren't in town. They were never in town. She got out of the car, insisting Jade and Cat stayed where they were. She'd be back in a few minutes. She packed herself a bag and popped her head into Trina's room to tell her where she was going and went back outside to the car.

"Ready to go?" Jade asked, already starting the car. She was going regardless of whether Tori was ready to. Tori nodded.

"Yay!"

* * *

Tori had stayed at Cat's house before. Once, with all of their friends for a movie night way back at the end of the sophomore year, and a few times on her own. Not to mention all the times she'd been there to visit. She loved Cat, and she was one of her best friends, but the brunette had to admit the redhead's family dynamic was odd. Her brother was clearly troubled, but her parents were also more than eccentric. They were definitely dysfunctional, but Cat was happy so Tori never said anything.

However, she had only ever had any sort of sleepover with Jade on that movie and when they were in Yerba. And, in those situations, they had gone nowhere near one another. They weren't friends. Jade was still with Beck. They had no reason to interact; knew nothing about one another. It was different then.

So, Tori was nervous. Not rationally, and she knew that. But, mild anxiety pumped its way through her veins when they stopped outside Cat's house. She lived in a detached house somewhere in the suburbs just outside of LA. Tori always thought it was so much homier than her other friend's houses. The cottage style house was a lot more comfortable than Beck's RV or Robbie's medically clean duplex.

Cat was first out of the car, running towards her house, still rambling about how excited she was. Tori stared after her for a second, wondering where she got all her energy from. Jade waited with her, her hands still on the steering wheel.

"Are you planning on leaving again?" the brunette asked, almost teasingly. She undid her seatbelt and moved to open the door. The other girl still sat there.

"No," the raven-haired girl said, sitting back in her chair. "This is so stupid." She shook her head, bringing a hand to her face as if to shield it from her soulmate. She was embarrassed.

"What's stupid?" Tori asked, taking her hand from the handle of the door and putting it in her lap. She didn't get an answer at first. Jade opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again, looking out the window on her side of the car. "You can tell me, it's okay. I won't judge you."

Jade turned to Tori again after a moment, her eyes on the roof of the car and her lips pressed in a fine line. She sighed and wrapped her index finger with a strand of her coloured hair. "This is so dumb." She paused, gathering her thoughts, her teeth grinding together. The sound made the brunette shudder. "But can you promise me you weren't on a date with Beck? I know I shouldn't care. Both of you can date whoever you want and it's none of my bus-"

"It wasn't a date. I promise." Tori reached across and took one of her soulmate's hands in her own. Orange light flooded her vision. "And it's okay if you do care. You and Beck dated for a really long time. And, I don't plan on dating anyone for a while. It's not stupid."

Jade moved her gaze to their hands. She squeezed Tori's fingers. The brunette took that as a thank you. She knew she'd never get a verbal one. This almost felt better.

Cat came running out of her house again, and rapped sharply on Tori's window. "Why are you guys just sitting out here? Come inside! My mom made cupcakes!"

She waited for Tori and Jade to get out of the car and collect their overnight bags from the back of the car, her arms crossed over herself and her foot tapping on the pavement impatiently.

* * *

Cat fell asleep an hour and a half after they arrived at her house. Jade claimed it was already past her bedtime when they turned on The Perks of Being a Wallflower an hour before. The pair finished it in silence, laying either side of the redhead in her too-small-for-all-three-of-them bed.

Jade turned off the TV after the film finished and rolled onto her side, facing away from Tori. The brunette stayed on her back, staring straight up. She wasn't tired. She should be tired. It was well past midnight. She never stayed up this late. Unless she was with Jade. She always dropped everything for Jade. Without fail.

The light of the other girl's phone pulled the brunette's gaze from the plaster of the ceiling to her shadowed form, curled under the duvet. She couldn't see what she was doing, but the raven-haired girl turned the device off again and got out of bed. Tori followed her with her eyes as she slipped out of the room and into the en-suite bathroom, closing the door with a soft click.

Her hushed voice came from under the door, soft whispers creeping along the floorboards and fading to nothing before they reached the brunette. She couldn't hear what Jade was saying. The nosy voice in the back of her head told her to get closer to the door; to listen. She didn't. Jade deserved privacy, even if Tori itched to know what was going on. If her soulmate wanted her to know who and what she was talking about, she'd tell her.

Tori turned on her side, now facing the bathroom door. She closed her eyes and pulled the duvet up to her chin, praying she'd fall asleep before the other teenager came back into the room. As much as she'd wanted to eavesdrop, she didn't want Jade to think she had. She almost had drifted off when Jade came back into the room and shook her out of the brink of unconsciousness.

"Hey, Vega," she whispered. Tori opened her eyes to see the raven-haired girl kneeling on the floor at her bedside. "I have to run out. Will you come with me?"

The brunette stared at her for a few seconds, to clear her head from sleep but also out of disbelief. It was almost one in the morning. What could she possibly need to do? "What?"

"I have to do something. Can you come with me, please?"

Tori rolled her eyes and sat up. She looked back to Cat, who was still fast asleep. "What if she notices we're gone?"

"She's out for the night. She won't notice. Just come with me."

Tori slid out of bed and put on her shoes, following Jade out of the room and then the house.

They drove in silence. There wasn't even music playing. They'd spent hours driving around, singing show tunes at the top of their lungs and talking shit about their songwriting teacher. Now, the energy was uncomfortably similar to how it was a month ago and Jade was giving Tori rides out of necessity and not because she liked her. Tori was too tired to start and maintain a conversation, and Jade seemed too focused on the road to talk. She seemed almost nervous.

Fifteen minutes in, Tori realised they were going to the other girl's house.

"Is everything okay? You seem tense," she said.

Jade glanced at her for a second. "My mom's in labour."

The brunette had many questions. She didn't know Jade's mother was pregnant. She felt like that was something that should have come up in conversation at least once a long time ago.

"Oh. Er… I don't mean to be rude, but why did you bring me?"

"I couldn't bring Cat. She isn't equipped for this kind of thing," the raven-haired girl said, sending a look that read duh. "I didn't want to have to wait on my own."

Tori nodded and went back to staring out the passenger window. Every inch of her tingled with something she didn't recognise. She didn't like it. Dread washed over her in overwhelming waves for reasons she couldn't fathom. She shouldn't be the nervous one in this situation.

Jade's mom was already pushing by the time the teenagers arrived at the hospital. They sat outside in the waiting room, Jade clutching Tori's hand with what felt like all her strength. The brunette didn't know how to comfort her. She didn't know if she needed to comfort her. An hour ago, they were watching a movie on Netflix, and now they were waiting for the goth's sibling to be born. Tori couldn't have been the only one with whiplash.

"Thank you," Jade said, separating their hands. The bright lights of the hospital faded to grey.

"Any time."

Jade's little brother, Jensen Carter, was born at two o'clock exactly. She drove Tori home at half-past three. Neither of them remembered to tell Cat where'd they disappeared to.

* * *

Jade didn't come to school the following Monday. She'd texted Tori to tell her she wasn't the night before. Her mom was only coming home from the hospital that afternoon. It made sense.

Their friends seemed suspicious when Tori told them Jade wouldn't be in school that morning. She didn't tell them why. She was told not to. Why did she know? Since when were they friends? It did not make sense to them.

"Jade and I have been friends for a while," she claimed on their way to Sikowitz's first-period class. She couldn't believe they hadn't noticed. "She's been giving me rides for the last month."

"That doesn't make you friends," Andre said. He held up his hands in surrender when Tori shot daggers at him with her eyes. "I guess we just didn't notice."

"Weren't you guys arguing in her car on Saturday night? When I was already in my house," Cat chimed in, a look of utmost innocence on her face. That didn't help the brunette's case.

"No, we weren't fighting. We were just talking! Why can't you guys accept that Jade and I are finally starting to get along? You guys complained about our bickering." Tori sat down on a chair in the front row of the classroom, Andre in the one next to her and Cat in the one behind. Her friends mumbled variations of "okay" and "whatever" as Beck sauntered into the room, his now-signature scowl deep on his lips. Tori withheld a groan. She loved him like a brother, but she did not want to be anywhere near him at that moment.

"Where's Jade?" He sat down next to Cat, his chair in the wrong direction. He shouldn't care. They weren't together anymore, and they were far from friends. Tori didn't know why he cared.

"She's at home with her mom. She had the baby," Cat said, grinning as though she'd just gotten amazing news. The boy gave her a confused look but didn't question it further. He didn't have time to; Sikowitz walked through the door on the other side of the classroom.

The group of five spent the rest of the day in a stilted conversation. Something had shifted without them noticing, and it threw off their dynamic. Tori felt like she was stepping on everyone's toes with every word she said; like she was annoying even Robbie. Her voice rang like nails on a chalkboard; every word that came from her mouth a waste of air. She couldn't wait for the end of the day so she could go home and call Jade. A month ago, she never thought she'd ever want that.

Lunch didn't come soon enough. Tori was starving by the time she left her history class with Andre and into the main hallway to meet the rest of their friends. They had plans to go out to eat. Cat and Robbie already stood waiting at the base of the stairs, Beck was nowhere in sight. Tori secretly wished he's bailed. He hadn't. He just wasn't there yet.

He and another boy, much taller and wider than him, appeared at the top of the stairs ten minutes into their lunch, seeming to be uncaring that his friends had been waiting.

"Moose, this is everyone. Everyone, this is Moose. We went to Feeferdoon together," Beck said, his charmer smile growing on his face.

Cat giggled and jabbed her elbow into Tori's ribs. "He's so cute!" she stage-whispered, not bothering to keep her volume down. The brunette nodded, pretending to seem interested. She wasn't. She didn't like boys. At least she didn't think she did.

"I know!" she said back, doing a better job at keeping quiet. Moose was attractive, and Tori couldn't deny that. He was tall and in really good shape, and Tori would have drooled over him when she was in deep denial of her sexuality. He was cute, but not her type. At all. She'd pretend he was, though. Anything to keep her buried at the back of the closet.

They went to Karaoke Dokie for lunch, because Moose liked burgers. They never went to Karaoke Dokie for burgers because they were gross, but the boys insisted. Tori hated every second of it, but thought she did a pretty good job pretending otherwise.

By some curse of the universe, Moose took some interest in Tori. Perhaps she'd done too good a job at pretending to enjoy herself. Despite Cat's best efforts for the Canadian boy's attention, she got little of it. Tori almost felt sorry for her. It seemed like the redhead never got what she wanted. The brunette didn't want his attention, far from it. But, she didn't know how to let him down gently. And she had to let him down gently. She'd seen enough boys with wounded egos to know to never outright refuse them - unless you were Jade.

* * *

Jade came back to school the next day. No one asked her about her mother or her new sibling. She didn't talk about them. Everything fell back into its slightly unconventional place. She didn't seem fazed by Moose's presence, washing Tori over with relief every time the goth regarded them both with nothing short of disinterest. He continued to flirt with Tori despite her blatant discomfort and Cat's not-so-subtle attempts at seduction. Things almost fell back into their unconventional place. Almost.

By Saturday, the brunette was sick, sore and tired of pretending to like him. She sat at the table closest to the stage at Karaoke Dokie with Jade and Cat, a glower on her face to rival her soulmate's. The redhead rambled on and on about Moose and his arms and how big his hands were.

"I wish he'd leave me alone," Tori said, glaring at the boys, who stood at the other side of the stage, setting up. "I mean he's attractive and all, but he's so dumb. All he wants to talk about is hockey and burgers."

"He's a boy," Cat told her, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Boys are dumb and only talk about dumb things. Duh!"

Jade laughed at this, covering her mouth as she did. Tori wished she didn't. She wanted to see her smile more.

"Go tell him to piss off," the raven-haired girl said, winking at Robbie, who had been blatantly staring at them for the last few minutes. The brunette chose to ignore that. "Put him in your place. He needs to know that just because he liked you, he can have you. Go stand up for yourself, Vega."

Tori nodded, took a deep breath and stood from the table. She got one more encouraging look from Jade before marching to the other side of the restaurant and tapping Moose on one of his large shoulders with her right index finger, miraculous courage coursing through her veins.

"Excuse me, Moose?" she said, joining her hands behind her back and rocking back and forth on the balls of her feet. "Can I talk to you?"

Moose grinned and sent a triumphant look towards Beck, who sent back a sympathetic smile. He knew this wasn't what Moose thought it was. "Sure, Tori."

They walked to the far corner of the room, her courage dwindling to pure adrenaline. Her fingers shook and her heart began to pound in her chest - and not in the same way it did when she was with Jade. She turned around, her back to the wall and looked up at him, nerves squirming at the back of her throat.

"I wanted to talk to you about how you've been treating me this week. I'm really flattered, but-"

Tori didn't get to finish. Moose hadn't listened to a single word that had come from her mouth.. He watched her lips move, occasionally dragging his eyes up again to meet with hers before flicking them back to her mouth. She'd seen it. Watched him lick his own lips ass though in anticipation. She didn't know how to react when he kissed her, full on the mouth, with no warning. She'd sent no signals saying she wanted this. Yet, he did it anyway.

She didn't know how to react. She froze, her body going stiff as a board against his body as he assaulted her mouth with his. She planted both hands on his body and tried to shove him away from her, but he was too big and she wasn't strong enough. He didn't budge. After thirty seconds that felt like an hour, he pulled away and she backed the final metre into the wall. She crossed her arms over her body and swallowed hard. The stupid grin on his face made her want to vomit.

"Beck told me you're like a lesbo or whatever, but I knew you'd just need straightening out."

The words sounded like tar slipping from his tongue. Too many thoughts shot across Tori's mind, disorienting her. She choked on her reaction for a moment, temporarily winded by how overwhelmed she was. She staggered forward, the taste of root beer still fresh on her lips. She reached up and slapped Moose across his perfectly proportioned face. The surrounding chattering died to utter silence. Her stared at her wide-eyed for a long moment, a hand on his cheek. Tori darted out of his way and back out of the karaoke bar before he realised what had happened.

Wind whipped her hair into her face when she pushed open the heavy doors and fell outside into the late evening air. Her ragged breathing caught in her throat as she gasped for air, hot tears rolling down her flushed cheeks. Goose pimples prickled on every centimetre of her skin, causing her shivers to become shudders and the hair on her arms to stand on end. She wanted to be sick. High tones whistled high in her ears, drowning out the heavy traffic rushing by on the road only a hundred metres away from her. The world spun too fast on its axis. Tori fell to the grassy ground on the edge of the parking lot and buried her face into her knees. She wanted the ground to swallow her whole.

"Tori! Oh my god! Are you okay?" Cat was first out of the restaurant, Jade close behind her. The redhead sat next to the brunette and wrapped both arms tightly around her shaking form. Tori didn't relax from this, but it was nice to know Cat cared. Not that she ever doubted that. She looked up and shook her head, lightly pushing Cat's arms from around her. They fell without question. Jade stood a few metres away, arms crossed over her chest and a scowl deep on her lips. She didn't look angry, but rather more concerned.

"I didn't want to kiss him. I promise. I know you like him and-"

"Tori, shut up!" Cat intervened, her voice getting rather high. She pulled a face and put her hands on either of the brunette's cheeks. "Why would I be mad at you? Stop being stupid! Sure, he's cute, but that doesn't mean he gets to play mushy-face with anyone he wants! I don't like boys who don't respect girls!"

Tori hugged Cat and thanked her, she wasn't sure what for - but it felt right. The redhead kissed her cheek and gave her a smile before going back into the restaurant. She didn't look happy. Jade still stood a few metres away, and stayed there for another five minutes. Neither of them spoke to one another. Tori didn't want to speak to anyone. She wanted to curl up in her bed and never leave it again.

"Come on, I'm taking you home," Jade said after a long, excruciating silence. She pulled Tori from the ground and let her lean on her on the way to the car. She deposited the brunette in the passenger seat then got into the other side and pulled out of the parking lot. The Little Shop of Horrors soundtrack played through the speakers, continuing from when they'd left off on the way from school.

Tori curled herself into a ball in her seat, hugging her knees to her chest. She took a glance at herself in the wing mirror and caught sight of her appearance. She'd cried most of her foundation off, and her eyeliner and mascara streaked down her cheeks and onto her jawline. The throb in her chest beat harder.

"Beck told him," she said, lifting her head to look at Jade. They were almost at her house.

"Told him what?" the other girl asked, her eyes flitting to meet the brunette's for a moment before looking straight back at the road.

"Beck told Moose what I told him the night of the Platinum Music Awards."

"He outed you?" Jade almost crashed the car. She spat the words out like they were carved from fire and she gripped the steering wheel so tight her knuckles shone white. "He fucking outed you to some dude he went to Kindergarten with? I'll kill him!"

Tori nodded and looked away again, staring out the window at the houses flashing on the way past. They turned onto her street. Jade softened. "Are your parents home?" The brunette shook her head. Her parents were in Florida visiting family. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

Tori nodded. All she ever needed was Jade to stay with her. "Yes, please. If that's okay with you."

"Stop being so polite, Vega. Of course, it's okay with me. You're my soulmate."


	6. Chapter 6

Tori's heart rocketed to her throat and stayed there, beating hard and stopping her from breathing for a moment. Jade had never directly admitted she was Tori's soulmate before. Not once. Sure, she'd mentioned seeing in colour, but it was far from the same. Tori didn't outwardly react for a few seconds, her brain moving too fast for her mouth to catch up. She stared at the other girl for an almost uncomfortable amount of time, her body overheating and going into shock. What the hell was wrong with her? _This_ shouldn't be her reaction. She should be happy. Not on the verge of a panic attack.

"Earth to Vega?" Jade's voice was hollow and distant, as though she was speaking underwater. Her figure blurred around the edges, bleeding into the surrounding darkness of the car. Her features softened into her face. Blue smeared into grey. "Tori?"

Tori felt large hands on her arms, rough and calloused. Not Jade's. Jade's hands were soft but dry from washing them too much. Root beer flavoured kisses smothered her. _Lesbo_ bounced around in her head like echoing rubber balls. The palm of her hand stung where she slapped him. She thought she might be sick.

She threw her body back against her seat, her teeth clamped together like a vice. She joined her hands; her knuckles shining white with the tension. Her feet shuffled on the carpeted floor of the car, friction crawling up her legs.

"Get off me," she said, her voice barely a whisper. Her throat itched, her mouth bone dry. Eyelids heavy, head spinning.

"I'm not touching you," Jade spoke again, her voice clearer than before. She shifted back into focus. "Are you okay?"

"I don't know," the brunette said, swallowing the lump in her throat. Tears pricked in the back of her eyes. "I don't know." She unfurled herself from the tight ball she'd curled herself into and shook out her fingers, her bottom lip quivering.

Jade nodded but kept her words to herself. She got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side, pulling the door open and greeting Tori with a wary smile. Tori undid her seatbelt and stood, her legs close to failing her. She leant some of her weight on her soulmate, making a mental note to apologise for this later when her head was clearer.

They stumbled into the empty house, Jade groping the wall for the light switch and Tori spending all her energy on keeping herself upright. Nausea trickled down the back of her throat, cascading down into her already churning stomach. She pulled herself away from Jade and managed to get to the couch before her knees buckled. She watched the other girl as she crossed the living room into the kitchen, her body radiating anger.

Tori tucked her feet under herself and pulled her jacket tighter around her torso, a sudden cold shiver jolting up her spine. She stared at the wall behind the television, her eyes tracing over every detail on the fake wooden panelling. The gaps and the knots and the cracks. She trained her focus on one particular eye, the sound of her soulmate rummaging through the kitchen fading from her ears.

The rapid spinning of the room around Tori slowed, but not yet coming to a halt. Her eyes grew heavy, taking long, slow blinks. A sudden calmness fell over her, tumbling over her shoulders and loosening the tension in her body. Her mind fogged, clouds of thick, dark smoke swirling around her consciousness. She felt relaxed, but her mind still raced around itself in circles.

Jade came back into the living room carrying two glasses of fruit juice. She set them on the coffee table and took a seat next to Tori, her eyebrows upturning in concern. She said nothing as she reached for the remote and turned on the TV, switching the channel to _Celebrities Underwater_ without complaint, her gaze creeping back over to the brunette every few seconds.

Tori didn't watch the TV. She trained her eyes on Jade and never took them off her. An affection she'd never felt towards her cartwheeling between her ribs. She tilted her head almost mesmerised. At what, she wasn't sure. But, something felt different. Not bad different. But different all the same. She'd always felt something romantic towards Jade, she was her soulmate. Of course, she did. But, this was more.

"Do you want to talk about what happened back at Karaoke Dokie?" Jade asked once the episode had finished, fully turning in her seat to look at Tori. Her expression didn't hold pity like it had in the parking lot or in the car. It had a closer resemblance to anger, similar to how she seemed the night of the Platinum Music Awards. Except, this time it wasn't directed towards the brunette.

"No. It's not a big deal," Tori said.

The other girl stared at her for a full five seconds, jaw slacked and eyes widened, as though Tori had said something scandalous. Tori had never seen Jade speechless before.

"Are you serious? It's not a big deal? If you think it's not a big deal how come you just had a panic attack that lasted close to an hour?" Jade's voice shook as she talked, her energy shifting. "Why don't you think this is a big deal? One of your best friends outing you to a stranger is a big deal."

Tori shrugged, her blissful, yet confusing, relaxation melting into irrational shame. She knew there was nothing to be ashamed of, but Jade's accusatory tone sent sickening shocks through her body. She furrowed her brow, her lips falling into a perturbed frown. Why _didn't_ she think what both Moose and Beck was a big deal? Back at Karaoke Dokie, she'd thought it was a big enough deal to slap Moose across the face. Why did she feel nothing now?

"I don't think Beck did it to hurt me," she said, her voice coming lower and less confident than she had hoped. She didn't even convince herself. She ripped her eyes away from Jade's and trained them on the ceiling. She hoped if she looked away long enough Jade would drop the subject.

"I wouldn't like to think he did it to hurt you. But that doesn't change the fact he did it. He thinks it's okay to go around outing people when it's not."

"You say that as if he's going around bad-mouthing me."

"No, I'm not. It isn't his business. You told him out of necessity and not because you wanted him to know. Outing someone before they're ready is cruel, Tori. Stop making excuses for him."

Tori opened her mouth to rebuke but closed it again, capturing her tongue between her teeth. Tears lay waiting behind her eyelids, a blink away from their course down her cheeks. She shook her head, her bottom lip quivering. The dam was about to crumble. _Why_ was Jade pushing this so hard? This really had nothing to do with her. She'd inserted herself into this and was acting like _Tori_ was the bad guy.

"I'm not trying-" Tori's voice cracked, pulling her sentence to a screeching halt. She paused, swallowing and dabbing under her eyes with the sleeve of her jacket. "I'm not trying to defend him. I just don't think he's cruel. And it's not like you know what it feels like. Stop trying to make me feel things I don't feel."

Jade's face blanched of emotion, as though she was a deer in headlights. The blank expression didn't reach her eyes, something indescribable swirling in the oceanic pools. Her usual look of peeved disinterest fell a day late and a penny short.

"You don't know much about me, Vega. Remember that."

Tori expected her to leave, storm out and go AWOL for a few days like she so often did. But she didn't. Jade remained on the red couch, fuming, but flicking through the horror section of Netflix. She kicked off her shoes and crossed her legs under herself, humming something as she stopped on something the brunette had never heard of and had no desire to watch.

Jade turned the TV off again, stood from the couch and walked upstairs, leaving her soulmate alone in the living room again.

Tori wanted to follow her, find out what the other teenager was doing wandering around her house, but opted to stay put. As much as she craved the goth's presence, she didn't want to talk to her. She wanted her there, but she wanted to be alone. Or maybe she wanted to be alone _with_ Jade. The other girl was supposed to be an extension of her, anyway. Like they were the same person in two bodies. Or something like that.

Jade came back downstairs five minutes later carrying Tori's duvet and some pillows. She dropped them on the floor between the sofas and went back into the kitchen, making more noise. This time, the brunette did follow her. She found Jade rooting though cupboards, a large bowl sitting on the counter above her. "Vega! Where do you keep your popcorn?"

"We don't have any," Tori replied, pulling Jade to her feet. She didn't let go of her hand, the contact burning in the best way possible. She stared at the other girl for a few seconds, forgetting what she was doing for a moment.

"Okay then. Do you want to go to the store and grab some? Or we could maybe get dinner? We haven't eaten yet.

Tori shrugged, keeping her eyes trained on their linked fingers. Jade's nails were painted deep purple instead of her usual black. They matched her hair. The brunette never knew how her soulmate coloured her hair when she couldn't see in colour. Her gaze trailed from their hands to Jade's face, tracing her features with her eyes. Her lipstick had worn from her lips and mascara flaked off to top her cheekbones, but she looked beautiful as ever. As if Jade West could ever look anything less than perfect.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Jade asked, staring back, her eye contact confused but intense. "Do I have something on my face?"

"You called me your soulmate in the car. You're taking care of me. It's a little weird… Not in a bad way. I like it. It's just-"

Jade cut her off with a laugh - a genuine one. Sweet and bell-like. Not the condescending chuckle the brunette was more than used to. Tori didn't know what was so funny.

"What are we doing?" Tori asked, flexing her fingers and withdrawing her hand. "You admitted it for the first time and never mentioned it again."

Jade stopped laughing, her smile dropping flat. She crossed her arms and leant back against the counter. She exhaled a sigh, looking to the ceiling and shrugging. "I had to say it at some point."

"Jade, at this point you're my best friend. And I know it's the same for you. Don't deny it. I want to know what we're doing. I feel like you're dragging me along and I don't know where we're going."

"Exactly. We're best friends. We aren't doing anything."

"But you said in the car-"

"Just because I'm ready to admit it doesn't mean I'm ready to pursue it!"

Tori stepped back, something unfamiliar dancing just below her rib cage. She tilted her head, kissing her teeth. It made sense. If Jade wasn't ready for a relationship, she could understand. She had to understand. She just wished her soulmate had been clearer with her feelings. It felt like they'd always had the same wish. The brunette nodded, joining her hands behind her back and rocking back and forth on her heels. "Okay. I'm sorry for pushing it. I didn't realise."

Jade pursed her lips and took a step forward, dropping her arms to her sides. "Look, I'm not ready for anything yet. We have the rest of our lives to be together. Don't you think we should work on getting along before we start dating?"

For once, the goth was being the rational one. Tori nodded again, feeling like a bobblehead. "I get it. It's fine. You know what? I'm feeling much better. You should go back to the charity thing. What's it called. Tinkle-Aid! I'm sure Andre needs you." She backed out of the kitchen and into the living room. She picked up Jade's shoes and shoved them into her arms.

"What?"

"Aren't you supposed to be singing backup for him? It'll be starting soon. You should go." Tori opened the front door. "It's a great cause." Her breaths rattled in her chest and pain blossomed like daisies around her lungs. She forced a tight smile at the other teenager who stayed in her spot on the other side of the room, still barefoot. "You wouldn't want to miss it."

Jade shook her head, her brows knitted tightly together. "Tori, what are you doing?"

"I'm asking you to leave."

Jade's face morphed from confused to irritated and her hands found her hips. "No. I'm not leaving you here alone."

"I don't need you to babysit me!"

The other girl still didn't move, her hardened expression cracking around the edges. She quirked her pierced eyebrow and rubbed her lips together. She wasn't going anywhere, anytime soon. She quite blatantly disagreed with the brunette's statement. She was here to babysit Tori, not to spend time with her.

Tori breathed a defeated exhale and shut the door again. Locking and turning to stand against it. She crossed one ankle in front of the other and continued to stare at Jade, a combination of anger and gratitude for staying mingling with the pains in her chest.

"I'm staying, Vega. Whether you like it or not."

Tori smiled, small and barely noticeable. She may loathe Jade more than she didn't, but she still held more affection towards her than she ever had anyone else.

* * *

Hollywood Arts finished for winter break the Friday before Tinkle-Aid. Tori hadn't seen one of her friends since the night of the incident at Karaoke Dokie. Jade had left to go stay with her dad up in San Francisco the following Monday morning, and Cat was too busy with ridiculous family traditions to hang out. Tori didn't want to see any of the others. It was too soon. She never wanted to see Beck again. Almost a week had passed since she last had, but him outing her to Moose stung worse now than it had the day it happened. It was as though stewing in her self pity had made her angrier. The shock had numbed her out the night of, and the betrayal burned brighter with every moment that passed. She would not forget about this like she had their almost-kiss before the Platinum Music Awards. She was sick of making excuses for him.

Tori didn't have time to see friends, anyway. Her grandparents had flown in from Florida to spend Christmas with the family. It was lovely. Or as lovely as listening to her grandfather's casual homophobia could be. She spent most of her time pretending to have a mountain of homework to do to get out of spending time with him. It worked for the most part until the day her grandparents were leaving town, and her mother knocked on her bedroom for the first time in months.

"Can I talk to you, sweetie?" Holly asked, slipping into the room and shutting the door behind her. Tori looked up from her laptop and closed it, sitting upright in her desk chair.

"Sure. What's up?"

She prepared herself for the lecture about spending more time with her family and to stop being so selfish. She got the same one every year. She was so sick of it. How come her parents could spend more than half the year out of time but the second Tori or Trina didn't spend time with them, they were the selfish ones. Trina was going to get out of it this year. She was spending the holidays with her boyfriend.

"Are you okay? I feel like I haven't seen you in ages." her mother sat on the edge of the desk, the fake sympathetic smile she used when she was going out of town plastered on her face. "I've missed you."

Tori rolled her eyes and turned in her chair to face her mother. "I'm fine. I just have a lot of homework. And we haven't seen each other because you haven't been home for more than a week in four months." She crossed her arms over herself and cocked her head to the side, waiting for a reaction.

Holly stood again but said nothing, her smile pursing to a fine line. She nodded and took another step back. "I'll leave you to it, then." She left the room, breathing out a disappointed smile. As though this wasn't her own fault. Tori opened her laptop and continued to write her essay for her music history class.

She finished it an hour later and therefore had completed all the work she'd been assigned to do over break. She had a week left until she had to go back to school and she had nothing to do.

She lay on her bed, scrolling through her _Slap _feed. She liked a photo of Meredith and her family and ignored multiple poorly recorded videos of him, Andre and Beck hanging out in the RV, playing video games and eating pizza. This was a regular occurrence. Tori was pretty sure they did it every other weekend, but something inside her twisted, feeling left out of something she was never a part of.

She scrolls further to find a picture of Jade and her little brother, Jasper. He was three as far as Tori remembered. Jade held him in her arms in front of the Christmas tree in their mother's house, both pretending to be angry. She captioned the photo: _Badass in training._

So, Jade was back in LA. Tori hadn't heard from her yet, but Christmas was only 3 days ago. She probably only got back within the past twenty-four hours. She was probably tired from the seven-hour drive. She made a mental note to call her the next morning.

* * *

School started up again ten days later. Tori didn't call Jade. Jade didn't call Tori. They liked each other's _Slap_ posts but that's where their communications ended. The brunette had never been more uncomfortable than she was during her first-period class with Sikowitz. Beck, Andre and Robbie sat on the other side of the classroom to where they normally did. Probably because that was where Jade, Tori and Cat had already sat down. Tori had expected things to go back to normal the second they got back to school. She wouldn't have liked it, but it's what she anticipated. It didn't. And she was almost relieved to not have to pretend to be around Beck.

Two weeks passed and nothing changed. The girls sat at their usual spot at lunch and regular seats in classes and the boys relocated as far away as they could. Tori couldn't tell if it was because they were too embarrassed to be around them, or because they were mad at them. She hoped it was the former.

She missed them, at least Andre and Robbie. They were two of best friends and it was more than odd not having them around anymore. It was killing her. She wanted to change something, but it would have to start with Beck. Which was far from what she wanted. She'd have to confront him at some point, but she'd hoped that moment would be much later than sooner.

Tori could tell it was affecting Jade, too. She'd seen the other girl make a boy cry because he asked for his notes back. She knew she and Robbie had a weird bond where they watched shitty horror movies together that no one ever talked about. She must have missed that. Maybe reconciling with Beck would be a good thing for their group as a whole.

Meredith's locker stood next to Tori's. She was a nice locker neighbour, made conversation in the mornings and between classes. But, one Wednesday morning, she was talking to Beck at their lockers and blocking Tori's. Meredith was quite blatantly flirting with him, but he was vaguely deflecting her advances.

Tori approached them, a tight smile on her face. "Sorry, can I get to my locker?"

They moved out of her way and continued their conversation.

"I can't do tomorrow night. I have a big jar of coins I have to count," Beck said. It was probably the worst excuse Tori had ever heard in her life. She rolled her eyes at him and rooted around for a pen.

"That's okay. I'll see you around!" Meredith said, not at all fazed by the rejection.

Beck hung back, leaning on the lockers. Tori pulled her head out of hers and stared at him for a moment, asking him why he was still there saying nothingsaying nothing. She shut her locker again and redid the lock. She put her books in her bag and put the one red pen she found in her jacket pocket.

"She's too happy," Beck said, presumably to Tori, about Meredith. This was the guy who was such good friends with Cat.

"You're not going to go out with her because she's too happy?"

He grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her into the janitor's closet. "It's because of Jade," he said, running his fingers through his hair. He sighed, a hand resting on the back of his neck. "If she found out I was dating someone new before she was, her head would explode."

Tori stared at him for a moment, trying to understand his logic. Just a month ago, he thought kissing her was fine and was borderline outraged when she didn't want to because it would hurt Jade. Why was this any different?"

"You guys have been broken up for months. I know she's jealous but it's not her place anymore. I don't think she'll get mad at you for moving on after half a year." She knew Jade had been almost upset about Tori and Beck hanging out, but it was different. The brunette was one of her closest friends. She'd never seen Jade interact with Meredith. It would be fine.

"But I don't want to make her angry," he said. He meant that he didn't want to hurt her. The things were one and the same. He was still in love with her, it was blatant. Tori understood. Jade West wasn't someone you just got over.

"Why did you break up with her if you were never going to move on?" Tori asked, genuine curiosity washing over her. It didn't come as compassionately as she intended, but he didn't seem to take offence.

"She met her soulmate. She didn't want to break up at first, but it got progressively worse between us. I love her, but it's hard dating someone when you know they're not yours."

Tori didn't know how to respond, as so nodded and reverted her gaze for a moment so she could collect her thoughts and articulate them.

"I'm sorry you two weren't in it for the long haul. I thought you were good for each other," she said. She had never once pulled off a lie so well. She guessed it was from the two years of pretending not to be the epitome of jealousy around the ex-couple.

Beck smiled weakly and left the closet again. He readjusted the strap of his bag on his shoulder as he went, sending one last sad look toward Tori. As though she had done something to hurt him. She almost felt like she did, and it was not good for her ego.

* * *

The annual Full Moon Jam took place the following Saturday night. Jade was performing. Andre was MCing. Tori opted out this year, her soulmate's speech the night of the Platinum Music Awards ringing in the back of her head when she was asked to sign up. She could watch this year. She couldn't top her number last year, anyway. How was she supposed to outdo exposing Ryder Daniel and as a cheater who uses girls in front of the whole school? She couldn't.

Beck brought Meredith with him as a date. Jade made a few glib remarks throughout the night about her, and her father's apparent cupcake business. It wasn't real. If Jade was truly mad, she would have said a lot worse than making fun of Meredith's outfit.

The goth had to go get ready for her performance and left Tori at the food and drinks table where they had been standing. She gave a final little wave before disappearing backstage. Beck came up to her, his expression a combination of boredom and annoyance. His date mustn't have been going well.

He didn't say anything, so she didn't say anything. They stood there in silence. He poured himself a styrofoam cup of punch, his eyes trained on the stage. He knew Jade was next.

Andre announced Jade, and she walked on the stage, oozing confidence. She stood behind the microphone, smirking as the band played the opening chords. She began to sing, and she was amazing. As always. Tori didn't think she could be bad if she tried. The brunette stared at the other girl, swaying along with the beat.

Jade stared in Tori's general direction as she performed, her eyes only ever straying away for moments at a time. Tori managed to rip her gaze from her soulmate to Beck. He seemed more captivated than she was. He didn't even touch his hair. He looked to be in some sort of trance, taking a few steps forward. He was like a moth to her flame.

"God, she's perfect," he said as Jade finished. She smiled widely, winking in the direction of Beck and Tori.

He held his hand up, telling his ex-girlfriend to wait where she was. She seemed confused but obliged. Beck disappeared and walked on stage.

"I've missed you," he said, meeting her in the middle of the stage. There was a metre between them.

"So what are you going to do about it?" she responded, her tone playful and a brow raised. Tori's throat closed over completely. Her heart beat in the pit of her stomach.

Beck closed the gap and kissed Jade, and she kissed back, bringing her arms to wrap around the back of his neck, their bodies pressed close. The audience cheered, applause thundering in Tori's ears.

Tears rose in her eyes and sobs caught in her throat, and she felt exactly the same as she had that night at Karaoke Dokie. Ait failed to fill her lungs as she stumbled through the crowd to find Trina. She needed to go home. Now.

They drove home in silence and Tori sprinted to her room, hyperventilating and crying uncontrollably by the time she fell face-first onto her bed. Her parents were out of town. Again. So, there would be no awkward attempts at consolation. Thank God.

She powered off her phone and threw it across the room. She'd already gotten four texts from Cat. She hadn't opened any of them. She didn't want any more. She was not in the mood to celebrate Beck and Jade getting back together. She never would be. She was sick and tired of allowing Jade to do as she pleased without consequence. It had to end.

Beck had _outed_ Tori. And Jade had threatened to kill him for it, multiple times. What could possibly have changed within a fortnight to so drastically change her opinion of him? This was not the same as her relationship with Tori. They were competitive frenemies. Beck and Jade were exes, and he was a terrible person - not that she wasn't - and she'd called him out on multiple occasions for it. What the hell was she doing?


	7. Chapter 7

Jade sat on the edge of Beck's twin size bed, alone in the RV. She's spent many a night here when they were together. The one upside of him living in a tin deathtrap in his parents' driveway was the privacy. They didn't get it anywhere else. The memories pressed down on her lungs, forcing all air out. She needed to wash her hands. Her jacket lay over her lap and her purse sat against her hip; her feet planted firmly on the floor. Ready for a quick escape. He was up in his parents' house getting food for them. Quite the gentleman. She picked at the skin around her fingernails and stared at the door, waiting for his re-arrival. The ticking of the clock on the nightstand made the hair on her arms stand on end. She should leave. She had ample opportunity to. But she couldn't bring herself to move. She shouldn't have come in the first place. But it was too late now. She'd kissed him and come to his house in his car. She didn't have a ride home.

Beck came back into the RV with two plates of leftover takeout. He furrowed his brow when he saw her, his usually nonchalant expression twisting to something resembling concern. "Are you okay?" he asked, handing her a plate. He sat next to her, already eating and staring at her incredulously.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm great," Jade said, her acting skills failing her. She clapped her jaw shut and determined how to word what she was about to say. "But this was a mistake. You shouldn't have come on stage, and I shouldn't have let you kiss me. We broke up, and we should stay broken up. It's better that way."

Jade kept her focus on the door, afraid to look at him. She gnawed at her nails, splintering the polish on them. She needed to wash her hands. Goosepimples prickled up her legs despite the tights she wore and the heat inside the RV. Her stomach twisted painfully, and shivers danced down her spine. Since when did she feel like this around Beck?

"I understand. But can I ask why? You seemed okay with it back at school," he said, of course being the reasonable and cool-headed one about this. Like he was about everything when it came to Jade.

She finally moved her focus to her ex-boyfriend. She rubbed her lips together, anger with the situation, but not with him, rising in her chest. None of this was right. She'd gotten herself into quite the mess. "You told Moose that Tori's gay and—"

"I was trying to get him to leave her alone! She was obviously uncomfortable. I thought I was helping." Like that was at all valid. Telling Moose she simply wasn't interested, or lying and saying she was already in a relationship would have worked just as well — which was not at all. He would have pursued Tori regardless of her sexuality or her feelings towards him. "And that has nothing to do with you."

Jade hadn't finished. She had a laundry list of reasons they shouldn't get back together. She hadn't even scratched the surface.

"And, as you already know, I met my soulmate. It wouldn't be fair to her if I started dating you again." Jade's throat tightened, and her heart clenched. She hadn't meant to say that. _Her_. She was an idiot. "I'm happier now. I loved you, I did, but the fighting wasn't good for either of us. There's no way you can stand there and tell me you miss that." She continued as though he hadn't interrupted her and as though she hadn't just admitted her soulmate was a girl. It was fine. It was fine.

"Since when do you believe in soulmates? I miss _you_, Jade. We were good together. It doesn't feel right not being around you all the time."

"I've always believed in soulmates. And, as much as I wished you were in the past, you're not mine."

Jade stood from the bed, set her plate down on it, and pulled her jacket around her shoulders. She grabbed her purse and walked to the door, stepped outside and went down the two stairs to the driveway. She turned to find Beck standing in the doorway, his plate still in his right hand.

"It's her, isn't it?" he asked, his left hand in his hair. She used to love when he did that. "Tori's your soulmate, isn't she?"

Jade paused, debating telling him. She said nothing.

Beck waited a moment for an answer he never got before going back inside. Jade called her mother to come to get her. Her brothers, Jasper and Jensen, sat asleep in their car seats in the back. They were only a month old and three years old. It was way past their bedtime. She climbed into the passenger seat and shut the door, staring out the window as her mother drove. Neither of them spoke for the first few miles, Jade's forehead pressed to the glass, and her mother's eyes flickering between her and the road. They'd talk about this when they got home.

Jade carried Jasper to bed, whispering prayers for him to stay asleep as she ascended the stairs. She did not have the energy to deal with a cranky toddler. She carefully laid him in bed, tucked him in and turned on his nightlight and baby monitor. She placed a kiss on his sandy hair and waited a moment before she left the room again, expecting him to wake. He didn't, so she slipped from the bedroom into the bathroom. She washed her hands twice, removed her nail polish, then washed her hands twice more.

Her mother was waiting for her in the kitchen. She sat at the island, her elbow on the quartz and her cheek leaning on her hand. There was a bowl of oatmeal sitting on the counter in front of the microwave. It was for Jade. Jade ignored her mother for a moment and placed the bowl in the microwave. She set the timer for a minute and a half and turned to face her mom.

"I thought you were done with Beck," her mother said. It was more of a demand than a question. She lowered her hand from her face to drum her fingers on the island top. "You haven't spoken very highly of him lately."

"I _am_ done with Beck," Jade said, her tone more aggressive than it should have been. "He's an asshole. And I broke up with him — permanently this time. We're not getting back together."

"Why were you at his house?"

The microwave dinged and Jade turned around again to retrieve her oatmeal from it. She pursed her lips and crossed the kitchen to sit next to her mother.

"We were going to get back together, but I told him I didn't want to. And I only went home with him because he kissed me after I performed, and I didn't know how to react. I didn't even get to say goodbye to Tori."

She shouldn't have mentioned Tori. As far as her mother knew, this had nothing to do with Tori. She didn't know what Jade had done would set their budding friendship, and almost relationship, back months.

"You should go see her. She came to see you the night of the Platinum Music Awards, didn't she?" her mother asked, a hand on Jade's shoulder. Jade shook her head, mixing her oatmeal around in its bowl.

"I doubt she'd want to see me."

"Why, does she have a crush on Beck or something?"

"I wish."

Her mother left Jade to eat her oatmeal alone in the kitchen. She pulled her phone from her purse and called Tori. One. Twice. Three times. The brunette didn't answer; the phone going straight to voice mail. She'd turned her phone off. Jade couldn't blame her.

* * *

Tori didn't talk to Jade for a month. A full thirty days. Jade understood. She wouldn't talk to Tori either had the roles been reversed. When Jade pulled her into the janitor's closet or caught her in the bathroom, the brunette listened to her apologies — actual apologies, and not just an explanation — but hadn't uttered a word to her.

Their friend group felt their returning animosity, which only grew with every day that passed where they didn't speak. Tori and Jade sat with two people between them at lunch and at opposite sides of the room in classes, refusing to acknowledge one another. Or, Tori refused to acknowledge Jade. Jade was giving Tori her space. She knew she's screwed up, royally. She deserved to be ignored. She'd earned it.

The only class that Jade had alone together was their AP American Literature class. They'd chosen to sit with each other at the start of the semester, and their teacher did not allow his students to switch seats. So, they were stuck with each other for three hours a week. Jade treasured those three hours. While she'd never appreciated Tori's company when she had it in abundance, she did now. She knew to savour it when in class because she knew that's all she'd get. And, it was her fault. She couldn't even get mad at Tori for it.

"Are you going to the Cow Wow?" Jade asked as she sat down next to the brunette at the beginning of one of these American Lit classes. She pulled her notebook and her copy of _Wuthering Heights_ from her schoolbag and placed them on the table, dropping her bag on the floor under her desk. She attempted small talk every day. Tori rarely answered, and on the sparse occasion she did, it was no more than a three-word answer.

"Yeah. Me and Andre are performing," Tori said. She wrote the date at the top of her lined page and said nothing more. Jade nodded, her mind whirring for something else to talk about.

"Really?"

"Yeah. He wrote a really great song for it. I bet you're not happy about that, though."

Jade's eyes almost bugged out of her head, and she was sorely reminded of their argument the night of the Platinum Music Awards. Well, it hadn't really been an argument. Tori had come to her house to make sure she was okay, and Jade verbally attacked her and called the brunette untalented. She'd meant every word when she'd said them. She still meant some of it. But something she supposed was regret ate away at her insides as their teacher entered the classroom. She didn't even have time to defend herself. She couldn't justify defending herself. She'd made her feelings about Tori's performances very clear that night. She couldn't take that back. Not now.

* * *

The Cow Wow wasn't terrible. Jade hadn't planned on attending. Not after what had happened at the last school dance. But, she wanted to watch Tori perform. What a sap. She'd somehow roped her friend Jenna from her visual arts class into coming with her. Neither of them had a particular interest in the event, and so sulked at the edge of the parking lot for most of the night.

Jade watched Robbie play a game of cat and mouse, trying to make each other jealous, cringing at her friends' desperation. She ignored the gaggle of girls from the dance team that had congregated around Beck, and pretended not to hear their degradations of her. They were only twenty feet away. They could have had the decency to keep their voices down. She couldn't see Tori and Andre anywhere. Not that she'd looked hard for them. She'd stood in the same spot since she'd arrived.

Tori and Andre took the stage an hour before the Cow Wow was to end. Jade, for the first time that night, brought her focus away from her phone, pushing into her jacket pocket as Andre and the band played the opening chords. She trained her focus on Tori, a longing pulling at her navel. Her eyes followed her soulmate as she danced around the stage, an ache settling itself in the dead centre of her chest. The song finished and Jade cheered with the rest of the students, her heart skipping a beat when Tori flashed a grin into the crowd, and in her general direction.

Jade tried to find Tori to congratulate her on a great performance, but once again the brunette was nowhere to be found. She texted the brunette instead. She didn't get an answer.

* * *

Tori turned eighteen the next day. Her parents were in town for once, and they had a small gathering at her house. She'd invited Jade despite everything going on with them. Jade almost didn't show up, arriving thirty minutes late with a last-minute gift. She rang the doorbell, music already floating through an open window and from under the front door. Mrs Vega answered, smiling like a dental assistant; like she knew she was about to hurt you but almost felt about it. She let Jade in and took her jacket.

Cat ran over to her, her arms open wide for a hug. Jade stepped backwards to avoid it but smiled at the redhead, anyway.

"Jadey! We didn't think you were coming!" Cat said, her arm gesturing behind her where the rest of their friend group and Trina stood in the middle of the living room. They did a poor job of pretending not to stare at the girls at the door. "Tori was getting sad," Cat whispered the last three words, blocking her mouth from their friends' views with her hand. It was far from subtle.

Tori stood with Andre at the piano. Her eyes dragged over to Jade every few seconds, as though she was making sure the other girl wasn't leaving.

"Well, I'm here aren't I?" Jade said, her eyes never leaving Tori. She pressed her lips together and moved further into the house, walking towards Robbie and Beck. Cat skipped after her, rambling on about something her brother did. Jade wasn't really listening.

Robbie waved in greeting, shifting his weight from foot to foot. He didn't have Rex with him tonight. Beck gave an awkward half-smile, his hand in his hair. Jade stood with them for a while, only making minimal contributions to the conversation. She was more interested in what Tori was doing across the room than Robbie's plans for next weekend.

She excused herself to the bathroom, pleased when Tori's eyes followed her across the living room. Jade touched up her makeup and washed her hands. Only once. Tori had a nice bathroom.

Jade left the room to find Tori standing there, leaning on the wall opposite her. She smiled but didn't move, training her gaze on the other teenager. Jade stared back, puzzlement contorting her features.

"Enjoying yourself?" Tori asked, straightening her posture. She uncrossed her arms and brought her hands to rest on her hips.

"What?"

"It's my birthday and you haven't said a word to me."

"You've barely spoken to me in a month. Excuse me for giving you space."

Tori frowned, her eyebrows halfway up her forehead. She took a step towards Jade, her arms falling to her sides. Jade stepped backwards, her back colliding with the bathroom door.

"Why did you come?"

"It's your birthday. You invited me."

Tori shook her head, smiling defeatedly. "Why did you come, Jade? To ignore me and lurk in my living room?"

Jade sighed, staring at Tori as though she could bring her some clarity. "I miss you, okay? You're my best friend, Vega. You're my soulmate. I can't stand not having you around! I'm so sorry about that night. You have every right to be mad at me, but I need you," Jade said, her heartbeat thundering in her ears. She pushed her fingernails into the palms of her hands, leaving temporary crescent scars in her skin. She kept her face neutral but struggled to keep her breaths even. "I don't want to fight anymore."

Tori came another step closer, her bottom lip trembling slightly. "You kissed him."

"Not by choice."

"You wrote a song about him."

"I wrote a song about _you_."

Time stopped for a moment. Static electricity hung in the air between them. Tori closed the gap between them, their bodies pressed together and their faces inches apart. Jade's mouth went dry, her eyes flickering between her soulmate's eyes and her mouth. Sparks shot up and down the lengths of her arms. She leant her head forward, her nose brushing Tori's. She needed Tori to reciprocate. She didn't.

Tori stepped backwards, putting a few feet between them. She shrugged. "You're not ready for anything serious yet. Sorry."


	8. Chapter 8

Jade deflated against the wall, all air leaving her lungs. Something unrecognisable pulled at the pit of her stomach, her throat tight. She inhaled through her nose, her jaw aching for reasons she didn't understand. She swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded, sniffing.

Tori took two steps backwards, a sudden rigidity to her movements. Their eyes never once left one another's as they stood there, staring at one another. Jade's heart rate slowed, but not to its normal rate. After a moment, she straightened up and cleared her throat.

"Tori." The word barely tumbled past her lips, fumbling on her tongue. She'd never sounded less confident in her life. Tori kept her gaze trained on the other girl, her eye contact unwavering. Though, she didn't faze. Her lips stayed in their thin, straight line, her hands found her hips and plated there. "That was two months ago. I'm ready."

The brunette maintained her stoic stance. The corners of her lips curled downward slightly to a frown, her eyebrows drawing closer together. "I think you should leave." She stepped back again and extended her left arm outward towards the door, gesturing to the door. Jade's chest clenched, her stomach churned.

"Can we please talk about this?"

Tori shook her head. "No. I want you to leave."

The pair were attracting attention from their friends and Trina, five pairs of eyes on them as they stood there, still too close together. Tori's parents were in the kitchen. How much had they seen? Jade detached herself from the wall and sidestepped, putting a little space between her and Tori. She stared back at the boys until they looked away. Cat and Trina didn't take the hint. Typical. Cat didn't see why she had to, and Trina had no shame. Ever.

Jade shifted her weight from foot to foot and turned her attention back to Tori, desperation clawing at her. She needed to wash her hands. She joined them behind her back to hide their shaking. She didn't need people thinking she was nervous. She wasn't. Just frustrated beyond compare.

"Tori, please," Jade hissed, blowing the words through her teeth. She kept her eyes trained on the others in the room, meeting their eyes when they dared to throw a glance in her direction. She could feel her walls build themselves higher, installing barbed wire at their peaks to keep out intruders. She flexed her fingers and pulled her hands away from each other, leaning back on her heels. She needed Tori to talk to her or she was going to lose it.

Tori looked back at her, her stern expression melting to something resembling pity. The beast already clawing at Jade's heart roared and squeezed tighter. She did not need pity, especially not from Tori Vega.

"Fine. But, not right now. Stay back a little. I'll give you ten minutes."

Jade nodded and walked away from the other girl, crossing the room to join Cat and Andre at the piano. She said nothing to them, and they said nothing to her; continuing their discussion about an album Jade didn't catch the name of. She sat on the stool and tapped her fingers against the closed lid over the keys, pressed her toes against the pedals.

She shouldn't have come. She hadn't planned on coming. She'd planned to lock herself in her room and finish the script she was working on for her final piece. She only had five scenes left. But, no. Instead, she arrived nearly an hour late to Tori's birthday with a gift she bought in a Target on the way there. It was perhaps the most pathetic thing Jade had ever done. And, Jade West wasn't pathetic. Or, she didn't used to be, anyway.

The party passed slowly, the two remaining hours dragging past as though some higher party was punishing Jade. At some point, she moved from the piano to the couch to sit next to Robbie, where he was watching an old movie on the TV. They used to do this all the time, but it had been months. She didn't say anything to him, either. Jade hadn't said anything since she begged Tori to let her talk to her. Every time she opened her mouth, a wave of embarrassment washed over her and drowned any words she had any intention of saying. They sat in silence and watched the movie she didn't know the name of.

Tori avoided her, keeping her eyes on anything but the raven-haired girl and not even walking past her. Jade wanted to scream at her, tell her to stop being so petty, but she kept her tongue clamped between her teeth and her attention on anything but the brunette. Even if it did feel like she was under physical restraint.

Jade had kissed Beck over a month ago, yet Tori wasn't able to see past it. Jade hadn't _wanted_ to kiss Beck, yet Tori still held it against her. Refused to speak to her. Tori wasn't good at much, but she was excellent at being petty. And, that was coming from Jade.

Cat and Andre left first. It was almost her bedtime, and he had to go home to his grandmother. Robbie was next. Beck didn't seem to want to leave. He leant himself against the wall separating the kitchen and the living area, a bottle of soda in his hand and talked away to Trina as if he had ever considered her with anything other than disdain. He laughed and pulled his hands through his hair and touched her arm, all the while averting his gaze to his ex-girlfriend enough to catch her attention. If Jade didn't know any better, she would have thought he was genuinely flirting. But, she did know better. He was trying to make her jealous. Why, she didn't know. She'd thought their conversation in the RV had gone well, that they'd come to an agreement that them being together was a bad idea. Beck was acting as though this conversation never took place; he'd forgotten about it.

Tori asked him to leave at close to eleven. In her text to their recently deceased group chat clearly stated the party would last from six-thirty to ten-thirty. He'd overpassed that by almost half an hour. And, while the Vegas were for the most part lenient - if not sometimes a little negligent - they were strict about curfew.

"But what about Jade?" Beck demanded as Tori walked him to the door. Jade rolled her eyes from the couch. Why was he trying to outlast her? This was perhaps the most boring birthday party she'd ever been to.

"She's staying the night," Tori said, her lie mostly convincing. Mrs Vega popped her head out of the kitchen and confirmed this. Jade hadn't been privy to this information. She had no plans to stay the night. But, she nodded along anyway, a coy smile pulling the corners of her lips upwards, before tilting her head to the side and shrugging. She caught a glimpse of his exasperation before Tori closed the front door.

"Okay, come on." Tori trudged across the room to Jade and grabbed her wrist, then pulled her upstairs to her bedroom. Jade had been in Tori's bedroom before, a fair few times, but had never seen it in colour. Looking back, this was a little embarrassing. She'd never seen the pale pink paint on the walls, or the plush cream rug in the middle of the wooden floor.

Tori let go of Jade's wrist and the room faded to black and white. The brunette sat on her bed and pulled her legs under herself. Jade remained standing at the desk, leaning against it, her hand on a textbook. She crossed one leg in front of the other and placed her other hand on her hip. She was supposed to start the conversation, and she knew that, but she still couldn't will herself to say something. She hadn't said anything in almost two hours. Plus, she didn't want to fight with Tori anymore. It had gotten old months ago, and she was tired of it. Tori must have tired of it by now.

Jade was sick of their cat and mouse chase, of their endless bickering. Of pretending to hate one another. Because they were pretending, at least Jade had been. She didn't think there'd been a time she actually _hated_ Tori. Disliked? Sure, but it was never more than that.

"I never meant to hurt you that night at the Full Moon Jam," Jade said, staying where she was. She wanted to wash her hands. She needed to wash her hands. "I wasn't thinking about anything when it happened. He just kissed me and I panicked." It was the same spiel she'd rattled off to Tori at least ten times before, but it was true then, and it was true now. She had more to say, but she couldn't articulate the words. She needed Tori to say something.

"Why did you go home with him?" Tori asked, her hands wringing around themselves in her lap. Her voice wobbled, and the breaths through her nose were more frantic than what Jade would have deemed necessary. "You didn't even call me."

That was a lie. Jade called Tori four times, and she never answered. She never answered when Jade spoke to her in person, either.

"I did call you, Tori. And I don't know why I went home with him. It was stupid of me to do that, and I'm sorry."

Tori still didn't seem satisfied. She crossed her arms over herself and planted her feet on the floor. "I really thought we were going somewhere, and you just went and made out with your ex-boyfriend in front of the whole school! It was humiliating!" Her voice was loud, but it still shook, every syllable on the edge of collapse.

Everything in Jade froze, an icy chill climbing up her spine. The lump in her throat swelled to twice its original size and her eyes burned. She was not going to cry because Tori looked too much into their relationship. They were just friends. Jade had every right to kiss anyone she wanted to - they weren't at all exclusive. And, no one knew about them. It wasn't as if people were talking about _Tori_ after that night. Still, Tori's reaction was enough to break Jade's heart. She didn't like her all the time, but she loved Tori. Even if she'd barely admitted that to herself, never mind someone else.

Jade swallowed harshly and walked towards Tori, her heart rate accelerating further with every step. She thought it might beat itself out of her chest. She sucked in a breath and stopped a metre away from the other girl. She sat on the floor and crossed her legs, looking up at Tori. She met her eyes, and she calmed for a moment. But it only lasted a moment. Tori was too upset for her presence to calm Jade down.

"I know what I did was shitty," Jade said. She had more to add, but apologies had never been a strong suit of hers. "Really shitty. But I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I wish I knew how to make it up to you, because I want this to work. I miss you, Tori, and I want to be with you. So badly."

She had never thought about talking to Tori about this. She'd always assumed the brunette would initiate everything, as she usually did when it came to the two of them. But, Jade guessed it was her turn. If she hadn't said anything, they would have floated in limbo forever.

Tori lowered her gaze to the ground, tears brimming her eyes. Jade's chest clenched so hard she thought she was having a heart attack. Perhaps she should have one. That would be better than the rejection it seemed Tori was about to serve her.

Tori slid down from the bed and sat on the floor in front of Jade. She reached her hands out, palm up, as an invitation for the other girl to take them. Jade did, on the verge of either vomiting or crying. Maybe both. She couldn't tell. Tori placed their joined hands in the small space between their knees, giving them a squeeze. The tears had disappeared, but her lash line was still wet.

Jade felt sick. The room was too hot. This must have been some sort of sick joke, like earlier. Tori was getting her revenge; wasn't going to forgive her. Not that Jade blamed her. She wouldn't forgive Tori had the roles been reversed.

"What?" The word came out in a breath, a thick layer of disbelief and anxiety coming with it. There was no way this was genuine.

"I feel the same way. I want to be with you."

Jade frowned, insecurity she'd never felt before looming over her head. She needed to wash her hands. Her breaths grew unsteadier by the second, and she couldn't control them. The walls of the room crept closer together.

"Why did you do that downstairs? _That_ was humiliating." She pulled her hands free from Tori's and sat on them to stop them from shaking.

"I'm sorry." No explanation, only an apology. That was the opposite of Tori's usual routine. "I'll make it up to you."

"How?"

Tori shrugged, leaning forward slightly. Jade didn't move. Tori moved ever closer until her lips were on Jade's. Her lips were soft and tasted of strawberry lipgloss. It was a cocky move, but Tori was a good enough kisser for it to be okay. The brunette brought one hand to rest on Jade's face, and twisted the other into her skirt. Jade wrapped her arms around Tori's neck, her anxiety screaming in her ears. It felt right in all the wrong ways.

Every inch of her body was on fire, the smoke choking her. She wanted this, but her body was rejecting it. There were no butterflies, fireworks. She felt like she was dying.

She pulled away, breathless in the worst way possible. She scooted away from Tori, shaking all over.

"I should go."

The ringing in her ears drowned out anything Tori said next, if she said anything else. Jade couldn't be sure. She stood up and left the room, practically running downstairs. She collected her bag and her jacket from the coat rack next to the door. She left the house and got into her car. There, she crumbled.

The dam fell and hot tears slid down her face, dragging all her makeup with them. She couldn't breathe. She'd never had this reaction to anything in her life. What was wrong with her?

She drove home faster than was probably safe, her suppressed sobs the only sound in the car. She hadn't turned the radio on. The music would only overwhelm her further. She arrived in her driveway at a quarter to midnight, her cries devolved to occasional sniffles. All the lights in the house were off.

She waited in her car for a moment, trying to clear her head. It wasn't working. She picked her phone up from the cupholder and turned it on. She had three unread texts from Tori.

_**Tori Vega: **__I'm sorry__**.**_

_**Tori Vega: **__I'm here if you need to talk._

_**Tori Vega: **__Thank you for the gift btw_

Jade scoffed. Tori didn't like the ten dollar candle she'd gotten her, and she was not the person Jade would go to to talk. Not right now. Maybe not ever.


	9. Chapter 9

It took everything in Jade not to drive to San Francisco to stay with her dad. She hadn't seen him since Christmas – hadn't wanted to see him since Christmas. But she stayed in the driveway of her mother's house instead, desperately trying to keep her breathing steady. The task was much more difficult than she had bargained for. She squeezed her eyes shut and forced in a breath and then forced it out again. And repeated until her lungs stopped throbbing. The clock on her dashboard told her it was quarter to midnight. Her brothers would have been asleep for hours now, and her mom and stepdad would have been, too. They weren't getting much sleep as of late with Jensen being so young.

Her father's house grew more and more appealing with every moment she loitered in her car on the edge of the driveway. She didn't have anything packed, and she left little of her belongings when she was last there. She hadn't thought she'd be back… not for a long while, anyway.

It would take her five and a half hours to drive to San Francisco, so she'd arrive at around five the next morning. Which was far too early for a Sunday morning. That was a no.

Tori's house then filed its way to the forefront of her mind. Even though she'd just left the place mid-panic attack. Although Tori made Jade feel the way she was feeling at the moment, she could also make her feel better. Tori was her safe space. She always had been, despite Jade vehemently stating otherwise – pretending otherwise. But, the thought of having to go back made her heart seize up and plummet to the pit of her stomach. She crossed that off her list.

Previously, she would have gone to either Cat or Beck's if she felt like this. But both were off the table. She hadn't spoken to Beck since they permanently broke up in his RV the night of the Full Moon Jam, and Cat was staying with her Nona. So, Jade unbuckled her seatbelt and climbed out of the car.

The house was quiet and dark. The radiator in the entranceway gurgled and her stepdad Michael's snores crept downstairs as she locked the front door behind her. She removed her boots and carried them upstairs with her, managing to step on every single creaky spot on her way up. How did she manage to always be louder at night?

As tired as Jade was, all sleepiness evaded her as she climbed into bed. Her sheets were cold. Her head hit her pillow with a muted _thump,_ and she stared at the silhouette of her open closet door in the dark. Curling her body into the foetal position, she sighed, wishing what happened with Tori had gone aeons better. She wanted to kiss Tori. Had been thinking of doing so since the day they met. At first begrudgingly, but slowly the thought became more and more alluring. It was supposed to. Tori was her soulmate. It was all meant to feel right. But it didn't.

Somehow, Jade's relationship with Tori simultaneously felt completely right and entirely wrong. They were perfect together but were like opposing magnets trying to get too close to one another. They repelled one another. And Jade didn't understand why. It was fate, or some alike force, that they should be together. But they didn't work. This was all a cruel joke, and it wasn't funny anymore. It had never been funny.

Jade turned to her other side and forced herself to fall asleep. It took what felt like hours, and not one moment of her slumber was peaceful. Her heart was still sprinting behind her ribs and her fingers were tingling with nervousness. It was a wonder she got to sleep at all.

Jade woke up to an empty house the next morning. Her almost-dead phone told her it was almost noon, and a text from her mother told her that her family had gone shopping. She also had seven missed calls and thirteen texts from Tori.

She stared at them for a moment, debating whether she should open them or not. She didn't want to leave Tori on read. But leaving her on delivered seemed equally cruel. Jade was constantly on her phone – and the brunette knew that. She'd know she was being ignored. Plus, Jade wasn't mad at Tori. The thought of being around her was just making her claustrophobic. There was a clear and distinct difference.

Without making a decision, she plugged her phone into its charger, stuffed it under her pillow and left her room. She went to the bathroom and washed her hands and face and brushed her teeth. She needed to shower too, but she needed to eat first.

She took leftovers from her parents' dinner the next before and put it in the microwave and went to make herself coffee. The buzzing of her ringing phone vibrated through the ceiling of the kitchen. She ignored it. She ignored the second and third and fourth and fifth times it rang, too. It was probably Tori and she didn't have the heart to speak to her. It was awful, and Jade knew that. She knew that she was _always_ awful to Tori, but this was different. She was _afraid_ to speak to Tori. To get yelled at and for all of her greatest fears to come true. As much as she knew it was inevitable, she wasn't – and never would be – ready for it.

Jade ate her breakfast and drank her coffee and her phone continued to ring. She washed her dishes and unloaded the dishwasher and her phone continued to ring. She washed her hands and went upstairs, and her phone continued to ring.

She thought it would start to irritate her by now. But, it didn't. Just made her feel like a terrible person. Nothing out of the ordinary.

She walked through her bedroom and into her en-suite bathroom, pulling her hair from the mess of a bun she'd piled atop her head before collapsing into bed the night before. She turned on the shower, stripping from her pyjamas as she waited for the water to heat up and for steam to fill the room. The fogged-up mirror revealed Jasper's drawings in the condensation from a few days ago when he'd toddled in and climbed up on the toilet. Jade had forgotten to lock the door. She smiled at the thought and got into the shower.

The steady rush of water almost drowned out her phone. It didn't, but it tried its darndest.

Jade took her time in the shower, washing her hair twice despite black and charcoal dye staining the tiled floor. Her mother had told her the highlights were purple when she'd bleached her hair and put the colour in, but Jade hadn't seen it until a week later when Tori's hand had brushed hers in their shared English Literature class. She liked it, but she preferred the royal blue.

The ringing stopped once she'd gotten out of the shower and wrapped a fluffy grey towel around herself. Relief calmed her for a moment, and she brushed her teeth, having to force back the laugh that caught in her throat at the sight of the badly drawn butterflies in the mirror. She didn't wipe away the fog. The drawings were too precious.

Jade dressed in her usual black sweater and skirt and tights without bothering to put on makeup or dry her hair. It was the first time in a long time she'd done it, but she truly didn't care enough to do anything about her appearance. Honestly, she was proud of herself for not wearing sweats and a giant hoodie.

There was a knock on the door. Jade started short-circuiting. No one ever visited unannounced, and her mother or stepfather would have told her they were waiting for a package. She toed on her slippers and walked to the top of the stairs, peering over the bannister in an attempt to figure out who it was through the frosted glass in the front door. She couldn't.

She almost went back to her room to ignore it, just like she'd ignored the million and one phone calls. But this felt much more urgent than a phone call. Whoever was would see two cars in the driveway – her car and her stepfather's car – and would know someone was home. They rang the doorbell twice.

Jade sighed and tried to muster up the courage to slip downstairs and answer the door. It really wasn't that difficult. She'd answered the door before, also while home alone. She could do this. She could do this. She could do this.

It was Tori on the other side of the door. Of course it was. Jade had to stop herself from slamming the door in her face from sheer panic.

"What are you doing here?" the raven-haired girl demanded, anxiety creeping into her voice. It wasn't supposed to. It was _supposed_ to sound aggravated, even angry. She didn't sound like herself. She was going to have to talk to her mom about that.

"You weren't answering your phone and I was… I was worried about you. And I need to talk to you about what happened last night."

Every muscle in Jade's body tensed. She nodded and shuffled backwards, allowing Tori into the house. She didn't want to talk about what happened last night. Ever. It was mortifying, and she wished she'd never gone to the party at all. It all had been a terrible idea. She should have known it would turn out terribly; everything always did. She flexed her fingers and shut the door.

The two them stood silently for an excruciatingly long time. Jade felt rooted to the spot, like her feet had been super-glued to the floor. This was humiliating. Tori shifted her weight from foot to foot and crossed her arms over her body. She kept her gaze fixed to the fraying doormat. Jade internally thanked her for that. She thought making eye contact with her might send her back into the panic attack from last night. Perhaps she'd even be sick.

Eventually, Jade managed to unstick herself and walk to the sitting room. Tori followed her without her. They sat on one of the large overstuffed sofas, shoulder-to-shoulder. Too close. As always.

"Do you want to watch something?" Jade asked, searching the couch cushions for the remote. She found it and traced the outside of the centre button with her thumb. Nervous habit.

Tori didn't answer the question. She just posed her own. "Are you okay?"

The answer was _I don't know_, perhaps with a half-hearted shrug. But Tori wouldn't accept that.

"Yeah, I'm good. I just needed to sleep off whatever that was. I'm fine." She topped it off with a dismissive wave of her hand. As if she could ever act more out of sorts.

Tori didn't accept that, either. She raised an eyebrow and turned her body to look at Jade; stared at her. Jade had been right; the eye contact did send her into a panic. Her lungs contracted and her bare face burned scarlet.

She couldn't understand why she felt like this. She _never_ felt like this. It was exhausting. She was Jade West, for crying out loud! She was supposed to cause these feelings, not experience them. And definitely not at the fault of Tori Vega, either. This was all wrong. Every single detail of it. She loathed it.

"I thought you were good at lying," Tori said, all traces of probably intended teasing absent from her tone. It came out more like an accusation than a joke. Jade's stomach twisted.

"I wanted to kiss you – I really did. And, I liked it. I… I don't know what happened. I just – uh… I felt…"

She couldn't finish the sentence. She didn't know what the end of it was. And she didn't know how she had felt, never mind articulate it. Her mind just felt messy. Incomprehensible. That wasn't an emotion. She put her head in her hands, frustration ballooning in her chest. What happened to relationships with one's soulmate being easy? This wasn't easier. It was the farthest thing from.

"Did you mean what you said last night?"

Jade couldn't remember what she's said. Everything was a blur. She stared blankly at Tori, blinking slowly. A feeling of stupidity mounted on to everything else. This was torture.

"You told me that you want to be with me – properly. Not whatever we're doing now."

Jade remembered it vaguely, and it was true. She may have been a bitch, but she was not a liar. She nodded. Words were becoming increasingly difficult to form. Then she shrugged, scrubbing her hands together. The skin around her fingernails was peeling.

"Then why are you acting like this?"

Tori put a hand on Jade's shoulder and rubbed small circles. Jade startled and whipped her head around again. Now facing away from Tori, she clicked on the TV and a rerun hockey game came on. She watched it for a moment, trying to ignore Tori's presence in the room. _What the hell was wrong with her?_

"If you're still not ready, that's okay. You're allowed to need to take time. We have so much time to figure this out."

Jade didn't want time. She wanted everything to stop, just for a moment, so she could catch her breath. She hated this. Everything about it. This wasn't the way things were supposed to be.

"I want to be ready," she said. She sounded thirsty for air. Her heart pounded in her chest. "I don't want it to be this way."

She kept her eyes on the TV, watching the players collide with one another and the walls of the rink. She used to love this – the violence, the competitiveness, the way it made her mom wince – but the zoom-in shot of a player losing his teeth made her feel queasier than she already did. She flicked up the channel and landed on baseball. She felt her eyes glaze over. Tori took her hand off her shoulder.

"You don't get to choose when you're ready, Jade. I'm sorry I gave you a hard time about it before. That wasn't nice of me." There were other things Tori had done that weren't nice of her. Organising _Prome_ the night of Jade's performance and refusing to change it, stealing up all the lead roles she wasn't talented or qualified enough for, coming to Hollywood Arts at all. Jade's growing anxiety quelled slightly to accommodate another swelling force. Resentment. She didn't mean for it to. She'd thought her resenting Tori was a thing of the past. As if she could ever let go of a grudge.

"We've both done some not-very-nice things. At some point, we're both going to have to get over it." The words were more for herself than Tori. Jade had been more than terrible to the other girl over the two years they'd known one another. If they didn't forgive one another for the awful things they'd put each other through, then they'd never be able to function. The resentment didn't shrink, but it stopped growing.

Jade had always thought that the communication issues she'd had with Beck had stemmed from them not being soulmates. That, inevitably, their relationship would crumble, and it was taking its natural course. It had nothing to do with either of them, and they were experiencing such turbulence because they dared to defy the will of the universe; pretend they didn't have soulmates who weren't one another. But, as Jade watched Tori from the corner of her eye, observing her stew in their manufactured silence, the fear that it hadn't been a Beck-and-Jade problem, but rather a Jade-on-her-own problem. She'd never been much of a talker; preferred her problems be chased away with urine trickling down the inside of their legs rather than be solved. It's what her father had taught her, she supposed.

Tori and Jade watched the remainder of the baseball game without uttering a single word to one another. Neither of them knew how the game worked, who the teams were, or who was winning. But, it was better than exploring the can of worms they'd just opened.

Jade's family came home an hour and a half later. Tori and Jade sat in the same position they had when they'd first sat down: Shoulder-to-shoulder, hands in their laps, feet planted on the floor. If left undisturbed, they would probably have stayed like that permanently.

Jasper came first, sprinting into the sitting room with his new toy, and his blankie tucked safely under one arm. His sandy hair was getting too long, and his shorts revealed scabbed knees from when he fell at the playground last weekend. He flashed Jade his widest grin.

"Jadey!" He exclaimed, launching himself at his older sister, knocking the wind from her and completely ignoring Tori sitting next to her. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, snuggling his head into her shoulder. "I haven't seen you in _years_!" That was more than an exaggeration. It had been a little under twenty-four hours. She'd seen him the day previous before she'd left for Tori's party.

"I know, bub. I think you've got bigger." Jade ruffled his hair and rested her chin on the crown of his head, then turned her head slightly to find Tori staring at her as though she'd sprouted seven spare heads. "What?" she whispered as Jasper sat up straight and held up his new toy triceratops to show her. She smiled encouragingly at him.

"You're… you're so good with him," Tori said, almost breathlessly.

"What, did you think I'd be a terrible sister?"

"No, of course not. I've just never seen you this affectionate with… anyone."

Jade scoffed but said nothing more. Jasper was too busy babbling about dinosaurs for her to pay attention to anything else. The little boy was an attention hog.

Jade's dad, stepdad and her other brother, Jensen came in a few minutes later with groceries, and Michael called for Jade to come help pack them away. They hadn't realised Tori was there.

She lifted Jasper from her lap and placed him on the couch next to Tori, who was now the subject of his prehistoric ramblings.

The kitchen island was filled with reusable grocery bags. Jade's mom stood in the small breakfast nook, burping Jensen. Michael was organising the produce drawer of the fridge.

"Who is Jas talking to?"

"Tori's here."

Jade's mom turned around to face her, eyebrows halfway up her forehead. "Tori Vega?"

"What other Toris do we know?"

"_Attitude_. I didn't know you two were friends again. You told me she hasn't talked to you since what happened with Beck."

"What happened with Beck?" Michael's head shot out from the fridge.

"None of your business. She wasn't but we worked it out last night. It's all fine," Jade said. She was worse at lying to her mother than she was at lying to Tori. Something was severely off with her.

Jensen started crying.

"Help Michael with the groceries."

Jade did as she was told, keeping her focus on Jasper's babbling and Tori's overenthusiastic responses. She'd heard her mother pad upstairs but wasn't certain she wouldn't go snooping in the sitting room before Jade was done doing her chores. Delilah Carter was as nosy as the day was long. Jade was almost completely sure that's why her mother became a psychiatrist.

Thankfully, the groceries were packed away before her mother came back downstairs. Jade slipped back into the sitting room and stood directly in front of Tori.

"We have to go."

"But Towi said she was going to play Hot Wheels with me!" Jasper protested, sticking out his bottom lip.

"Sorry, bub, but we have some very important school stuff to do. Maybe we can all play Hot Wheel another time?" Jade suggested, taking Tori by the hand and pulling her off the couch. Her vision shifted from black and white to cream and ivory. Jumped from one monochrome to another.

Jasper continued to huff as the two girls left the house, yelling their partings as they slammed the large front door behind them. They packed themselves into Jade's car and reversed out of the driveway.

"Why do we have to go?"

"My family is at home."

"And?"

Jade gave Tori a pointed look. How was this not obvious to her? They had to be subtle at her house, why would it be any different when they were at Jade's? Plus, Tori's house had the extra added benefit of always being blissfully empty. Between the Vegas' frequent vacations and Trina finally finding a place closer to college, Tori constantly had the place to herself.

They couldn't just sit in Jade's sitting room have continue the conversation they'd been having earlier (because it did need to be continued). As far as her parents were aware, there was some man out there with the key to their daughter's technicolour vision. And she was content for it to stay that way for the time being. She'd like to know, at the very least, where she stood with Tori before she went around announcing their soulmate status. She just wasn't ready.

Of course, Jade couldn't read minds, but she could guess that Tori felt the same way about her parents. The brunette rarely had something nice to say about them, she was hardly open with them about this. Not that they'd ever notice anything was off with either of their daughters. They weren't around enough to know what was normal.

"Where do you want to go?" Jade asked, leaving her gated neighbourhood. She chewed the inside of her cheek as she drove.

Tori shrugged, crossing her legs. "You can just take me home." She turned around in her seat and stared out the window. Jade had hit a nerve. She didn't know how or when, but she'd seen the brunette shut down like this enough to know something was wrong.

Jade nodded and did as she was asked. The drive was a little over thirty minutes, and her musical theatre playlist hummed softly from the speakers. The last time they'd been like this was on the way to Karaoke Dokie for TinkleAid. They'd screamed along to the _Little Shop of Horrors_ soundtrack, butchering the high notes and not even caring.

Tori's house, as always, was empty. No cars in the driveway. No lights on inside. It was incredibly sad.

"Do you want me to come in?"

"I don't know."

Jade huffed out a breath and pulled a hand through her hair. The ends were still damp.

"I know we have to talk about this, but I don't know how to," she said, trying to keep her voice steady. She was bordering on anxious again.

Tori around, looking at Jade as though she had the answer to every question the brunette had ever had. "How are you feeling?"

Jade opened her mouth then promptly shut it again. How was she supposed to answer that? To explain that, somehow, she was feeling everything yet nothing at all? She'd sound crazy. She shrugged. A cop-out.

"Do you feel better or worse than you did when you left last night?"

"I feel different than I did last night?" Why did it come off as a question?

"But do you feel better or worse?"

"Better. I think. Maybe."

"Okay."

Jade swallowed harshly. She didn't understand what Tori was doing, or why this impromptu therapy session was necessary. It didn't matter what she was feeling. The only thing that mattered was fixing their sorry excuse for a relationship.

"Can I kiss you again?" Tori asked. As casual as asking about the weather. Jade would rather be set on fire. She shook her head. Tori nodded.

"What are you doing?" Jade asked, suddenly finding great interest in her hands twisting together in her lap.

"I'm trying to set boundaries, so we don't have another episode like last night, all right?"

Jade nodded.

"How do you feel about starting over? We've put each other through a lot the past two years, and I think it might be impeding on us starting our relationship. What do you think?"

Jade didn't think this would work. It was ridiculous. It was perhaps the worst idea Tori had ever had. But what would be lost in trying? They had to make this work. It was imperative they did.

"Yeah, sure. That sounds okay."

Tori smiled. "Okay then. I'm Tori, nice to meet you."

"I'm Jade. It's nice to meet you too."


End file.
